***DISCLAIMER: Please don't comment with links to gluten free sites, recipes and the like. Please don't comment with things like, "You're being ridiculous", "You're overreacting" or "It's really no big deal". This post is a venting one. Thanks!***
I've been dealing with chronic hives for 4 years now. In the process to figure out what they were (that took 3 years!!), or how to make them go away, i discovered that gluten is the culprit. And it's in EVERYTHING!! Even toothpaste!
It's recently (like within the last few days) hit me, the things that i can't eat again! Like EVER!! Unless i want to be an itchy blister for a month. And after 4 years of that, i'd like to not relive it.
We recently went to the grocery store to pick up a few items we needed. Coffee, creamer, butter...etc. While we were walking through the store i noticed a display of Hostess products. "OH MY GOD! I CAN'T EAT ANOTHER TWINKIE EVER AGAIN!!!" To which Brooks replied, "But you don't eat them very often anyway hun". Which is true. Maybe 3 a year. But STILL!!
But Twinkies are the least of it!
We went home and had ordered Chinese food. Took me some digging to find what i could actually eat. Sauces are an issue. And soy sauce is a big culprit!! So i chose cashew chicken and hoped i could eat it and it wouldn't make me itch!! It was really good (we had to find a new Chinese place and so far, i haven't liked their food...but Brooks loves it, so i keep trying things)!! The sauce however is still a concern. I couldn't ask the woman on the phone about it since English is her second language and i was in a bit of a rush. We had sat down to eat our food and i started unwrapping my egg roll. Brooks said, "Umm...can you eat that??" This has been a process for him as well and thankfully he's been super supportive and trying to find things and places i can eat. I looked at the egg roll and handed it to him..."DAMMIT!!!" Then proceeded to toss my packet of duck sauce onto the floor. This sucks!!
After dinner last night, one which i had to alter the blackening season we were putting on the chicken because the blackening we had has wheat in it, we watched 'Chef'. At one point the guy and his son were eating a sandwich that was from New Orleans. At which point i told Brooks, New Orleans was on my list of places i wanted to visit. I then went into why NOLA is on my list...as i was talking i said, "Oh, and going to Cafe Du Monde for.....beignets...." It hit me. I can't go to Cafe Du Monde and have beignets. I started to tear up. I realized all the other places i wanted to visit but couldn't eat the things i had always assumed i would. I couldn't go to NY and have cheesecake, hotdogs, or anything at Katz Deli. I couldn't go to France and eat bread and pastries. I couldn't go to Italy and eat any of the delicious pasta! Nor could i go back to Eugene and go to Beppe & Gianni's the next time we're in Oregon. It hit me. My life had changed, and my diet with it. A diet i didn't want or ask for or chose to have! My body did this to me! And I was PISSED!!!
But there was more. I couldn't just go to a friends house for dinner with ease anymore. While i've been type 1 diabetic for nearly 25 years, my diabetes was never an issue with food for me. I'd just adjust my insulin for what i'd eat. It didn't matter. If i wanted dessert, i'd eat it. If i wanted pasta, i'd eat it. Just make sure to take appropriate amount of insulin for it. But this is different! I now have to ask before hand (which i've always thought was terribly rude!!) what they're making and see if i could eat it. I don't expect everyone i know to alter things just for me. I'll do that at my own home, but not at someone else's. I can't go over to Brooks' grandmother's house for Christmas brunch and eat what's served without question anymore. I will now be that annoying person who asks what's in everything! I can't just go to any restaurant and order something off the menu. I have to ask for a gluten free menu and when the place doesn't have one, i have to figure out what i can eat on the menu and hope and cross all my fingers that it doesn't have gluten in it.
And this is the south. King of fried foods. Which i can't eat anymore either! Not that i was big into the fried goodness but on occasion i have been known to indulge. But no more fried pickles, chicken, cheese, tomatoes...green or red, or anything else with breading on it. Restaurants here haven't quite gotten on the GF bandwagon yet. There are some, but even if you go to a restaurant with a GF menu, that doesn't mean they'll have the GF item in stock! Recently we went to a family lunch. I was the pain in the ass customer who ordered off the GF menu. I ordered a burger with a GF bun and separately cooked fries. I was pretty excited about it!! Finally feeling kinda normal again! I was gonna have a BURGER!! Oh joy!! But a while later the waitress came back to tell me they didn't have any GF buns. So i wound up with a hamburger patty with the toppings on it. Talk about disappointing!!
BEER: Oh for the love of everything pure and wonderful! I MISS BEER!! REAL BEER!! Not this GF crap!! It's SOOOO not the same!! I miss Yuengling! That has been my beer of choice for 6 years. And i miss it. Hell, i'd take a PBR right now and i really hate PBR. I'd bathe in it if i could! And then drink the bath water!! But no. I get stuck with ciders (ugh) and GF pale ales. No loggers to be found around here. Well...i can order a case of GF lager, but that's $36 and i don't know if they'll be any good, so i suffer without. Right now our fridge contains several GF beers. Cider, which is fine...tastes like sparkling apple juice, and a GF sorghum beer. Which i don't even know what to say about that!! It's SO NOT Yuengling!! Not even close!
Grocery shopping has become a curse. I used to actually like going. Despite the lines and the crowds, but it never really bugged me. But now...OH THE HORROR!!!! Standing in each freakin isle reading all the damn labels to see what i can and can't eat!! Or trying to find GF things in a store that isn't on board. Or having to go to Whole Foods or an equally ridiculously expensive place to find some GF things. You have to take out a second mortgage to afford some of it!! $9 for a very tiny loaf of bread!! Not even kidding! $9!!! And it's the tiniest loaf of bread you've ever seen!! About 10 slices. It looks like doll food!! I don't even know where they bake such small loaves of bread. In a tree perhaps, by elves?? I refuse to pay that much for a freakin loaf of bread!! No way!!
Now, i do realize this gluten issue isn't the end of the world! I totally know that!! But, this is new to me. And i'm a bit pissed at my body for doing this to me. And this is my blog, so i'll vent because i can! Just don't send me angry emails or messages or comments about how i should feel lucky because there are people out there who would give their right arm to have a gluten issue. I get that!! As someone who's been diabetic for nearly 25 years, i am very blessed that i have my health and for all the blessings i do have. Just please understand that i'm venting.
I know some people would say to me, "Just go travel and eat what you want. Itch later. It'll be fine!"...which i've thought of that, but honestly, i don't know that i could do that again. Or "Omg! Stop complaining!!". Well here's an idea...don't read my blog if that's your attitude! I'm not complaining. I'm venting my frustration. Because anyone who's been diagnosed with something or finds they have an allergy or sensitivity to something, or is told they can't have something will tell you...at the beginning...it SUCKS!! Eventually it'll be second nature and i won't think about it. But i've known this for a month so far. So it's still new. And each day i feel like it brings something else to my knowledge. Like our wedding. We'll have to find a baker who can do a GF cake now!
Being gluten free isn't easy. It's hard. And it's expensive. Veggies (which is my primary diet, paired with meat) are expensive. And they turn quickly. There are a lot of restaurants that don't even know what the word gluten means. You get stared at when you ask for a GF menu. You can't just go through a drive through in a pinch during lunch. You have to research the menu online before hand. Everything from foods, to drinks. It's all changed and is an issue now. We go on a yearly camping trip and i ALWAYS bring beer! It's summer and hot and dammit i like my beer when it's hot out. But now...that's changed. Beer is now hideously expensive for me. Grilling out while on that camping trip is different now. We have to get GF buns for burgers and dogs. I can't go to a birthday party and eat a piece of cake. I can't have cookies anymore. I'm hating the girl-scouts right now. I'd give anything for a thin mint!! I can't just eat what i want to anymore. It's all different. And it sucks.
Ignorance really is bliss.
