Most women who've had at least one child know, when you're pregnant, ya tend to have some strange dreams. I don't know about you, but my dreams can kind of freak me out as is, let alone when I'm pregnant!! You know...ya never know what they really mean. They're so cryptic. Then there's the "maybe it's your subconscious trying to tell you something...." stance. I don't need that in my life! I am pretty in-tune with my body as is. I don't need another "thing" trying to tell me stuff. Just send me a text!!
At the end of this week, will mark our 5th month, and in the past 5 months, I've had some weird dreams. None that i can recall now however. Though I'm trying just for the purpose of this post. But alas. To no avail. But that brings us to last night.
Most of the time i can't remember my dreams. I'll remember them for a few moments after i wake up. But then they're gone. Poof!! Or I'll remember bits and pieces, but not enough to actually get to piece all together to remember what the dream was. Last night i woke up around 2:30 or so...maybe it was later. But the dream i had was WEIRD!!
I dreamt that my muscles in my belly had ripped open, but that tear didn't open my outside belly. So i wasn't bleeding. It was from my first c-section and instead of a horizontal cut, he cut me vertically on the inside (they used to do that) and that inside cut had ripped open, unbeknownst to me. Well the baby thought it was time to go and she was trying to get out. As if she's in a cage or something? And i looked down and her tiny arm and chubby little leg were sticking out of my belly button!! AHHH!!! I kept trying to keep my hand over her little limbs so i wouldn't freak Brooks out, but i knew he was going to see that and panic. I just needed to push her back in. But i didn't know how she was situated, so i felt like i needed to go to the doc for help. She could just go down my throat and pull her back inside, stitch me up and no one would be the wiser. (WHAT?!) Because sure...that's how the human body works. But Brooks, because he loves to rub my baby bump, found her limbs sticking out. I had put lotion on my belly, but was misting her with a water bottle to keep her moist. (HU?!) Brooks was surprisingly calm. At this point in the dream, i knew it was a dream, as Brooks would NOT be calm if our daughter was poking out of my tummy!! But i was freaking out!! He was just sitting in his recliner, with his phone in his hand, starring at me like i had lost my mind. I kept touching her little foot and then hysterically said, "But if she's born before 24 weeks, she'll die!!! What should we do?!" I can tell you...don't just sit there misting her with a water bottle!! That's when i woke up.
Umm...HELLO?! There's SO much wrong with this that i just can't even! That's it. I just can't even. To date, i think this has to be the weirdest dream I've had so far!!
Of course the "maybe it's your subconscious..." has kicked in and now I'm wondering why i had such a messed up dream, one that i REALLY hope NOT to repeat. Personally, i just think it's just from my round ligament pain I've been dealing with for the last 3 months. That makes the most sense. And perhaps it has something to do with the fact that we aren't sure how my first doc did the c-section 17 years ago because the office and hospital back home tossed out my medical records. I do know I shouldn't worry too much about it. It's a dream. Nothing more. Baby is A-OK though, and is moving around this morning. Maybe last night she was kicking my belly button and that helped induce the dream? The night before i do remember i had my hand on my belly and felt her moving around (of course in my sleep, so i don't really remember) and had some strange dream about her being in an alien ship in there...sooo....yea.
At least I'll have something funny to tell my doc tomorrow instead of asking a million panicked questions! :)
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
The Good, Bad...the Uncomfortable
I know i have a lot of mommy, and mommy-to-be friends who will agree...pregnancy is TOUGH!!! Not for everyone of course. If you're in that second group, count your lucky stars and be thankful!! Truth be told, pregnancy isn't for everyone. I know a good many women who HATED being pregnant, but love being a mom. To each their own. I say it's no big deal to hate the process. I mean really. It's not. As long as you're not doing any harm to your body or baby, it's fine to feel how you feel.
After all the struggles we had to get pregnant, and STAY pregnant, i refuse to complain about being pregnant. At all. I know how terribly lucky i am to be getting this opportunity. Not all women are so lucky. So no. I won't complain about it. But i will talk about some of the rough points. At the end, i put my Pollyanna spin on it, because at the end of this journey, all that matters is having a healthy baby.
1) Baby Bump: I started showing really early this time. They say that everyone is different (du) and that each pregnancy is different. So even if you've had 10 kids, pregnancy 11 could throw you for a loop. Well this isn't my first rodeo. Even though i had 3 early miscarriages, they count as being pregnant. So this isn't my first rodeo by any stretch. And i kinda figured I'd show early, especially since i didn't have a 6 pack to begin with. But didn't realize it'd be SO early! Lol!! With my son, i started showing about 3 months. Like, my jeans were tight and i couldn't button them. But this time...by 3 months, i looked like i was 5. But I'm so happy to have a bump, that i rock it on a daily basis. Even when i don't leave the house. Why? Because I'm happy and PROUD that my body is nurturing this baby and doing it's job. So i don't complain about how my belly blobs out when i sit down, and the bump is way cuter when i stand up. I don't complain about how HORRIBLY itchy my skin is 24/7. And i don't complain about how all of my clothes (all pregnancy clothes btw) are uncomfortable and i hate leaving the house, because i will be forced to pull up my pants 287 times that afternoon. I might say it matter a fact, but i won't complain. Because i recognize how precious this journey is. And how happy it's made me to get to go on it again!
2) Gas, Bloating & Constipation: All the books discuss this. It is a thing. A bold, uncomfortable and wretched, take no prisoners type of thing. The books actually talk about how bloating is one of the reasons women can show early. So while i did start showing early, a portion of that was bloat. Probably still is i imagine. Pregnancy throws off your whole schedule. Err...morning schedule that is. Most pregnant women can poop around the clock and it isn't just once a day. It can be multiple times a day. Add to that constipation that can last for DAAAAAYS!! Oh lord almighty! It's horrendously uncomfortable!! And the best part? Because your pregnant, ya can't take a laxative to help! I actually had a friend suggest that recently. Ummm...no! But again...i don't complain when these symptoms hit. I just grin and bear it. Eat some prunes (who doesn't love a prune?!), and try to up my fiber intake.
3) Skin: Oh my beautiful skin!! Or it was. Once. BP...before pregnancy. The up side is that it will get better. But right now, it's like i don't know my skin at all. Like all my internal bits have been poured into another skin suit. Zits, bumps, DRYNESS like the Sahara desert, itchy belly, breasts and scalp. Personally, i find the itching about the worst symptom I've dealt with so far. Yes, even worse than the constipation. I'd happily trade it for something else. If my skin would stop itching all day long no matter how much moisturizer i apply, I'd take nausea back...I'd be content with that. I have remedies for that. But again...not complaining. I'm just saying. And i tend to try to think that there's something to that old wives tale that claims when you're pregnant with a daughter, she steals mommy's beauty.
4) Shots: So when women are pregnant, it's pretty standard to get a few shots. Normally a flu shot is the big one, possibly a tetanus shot, and I've been told by my pharmacist that i need to get...something towards the end of my pregnancy to help baby. But with me, because I'm high risk and "advance maternal age", and also at risk for preterm labor (my son was 6 weeks early), it was suggested that i get a shot once a week in my ass cheek to help prolong pregnancy and ward off preterm labor. I would do anything to not have to go through the NICU experience again, so that was an easy decision for me/us. So i do that. Once a week i drive 45 minutes one way to my doctors office, wait for 20 minutes (at least) for a nurse to come get me, and stick me in the cheek with the biggest needle known to man, and inject an oil solution mixed with progesterone that takes FOREVER to go into the skin because it's super thick, and then wait for her to rub the spot on my ass cheek with her thumb so that it doesn't clot, then put a band-aid over it, and on my merry little way i go. Then i wait. About 4 hours later the horrendous nausea kicks in. And it's something that there aren't words to describe how horrible it makes me feel. I mean, I've had the flu on more than one occasion, been sick from drinking, and been crazy sick from food poisoning, as well as morning sickness. But NOTHING EVER LIKE THIS!!!! There just isn't anything i could compare it to. And apparently, in the history of my doc's office of them giving this to women, I'm one of the only one's to ever experience this side effect. Lucky me. At one of the many doctors appointments i had with my other group (i have a few docs in different specialties that i see), they suggested i ask about a anti-nausea medication the next time i went in for it. So i asked the nurse. Who kinda freaked out when i told her my symptoms and why i felt i needed something for it, and she didn't want to give me my injection. I reiterated it to her numerous times that i didn't care how sick it made me, if it was helping my baby, that's all that i cared about, so let's get the show on the road and be done with it. She was still hesitant. It took some further convincing. But i finally got the shot, and two different meds for nausea. And that week, i didn't get the horrendous nausea. I got some, but not enough to warrant medication. But again...medication or not...and nausea or not, i get the shot anyway because even one extra day is better than losing a day. Anything i can do to keep my bun IN the oven, and baking a bit longer is more than worth it to me.
5) Mood: No, not mood swings, but just general mood. I never expected in a million years, that I'd turn into such a biotch. I didn't see this one coming actually. Maybe because we had wanted this for SOOOOO long, or that this is what i had been dreaming about forever. So when my regular tone with people seemed a bit...off, i finally noticed it. My longer fuse with people was now terribly short! And i became super blunt about things!! One day in January we had gone to a furniture store to look for a new couch. To compare prices, though it was the only store we have gone to at this point. The girl who was "helping" us really just pissed me off the second we walked in. She followed us around the damn store!! I refrained (surprisingly) from telling her to go away, but i did try to out walk her. Or go a different direction than one she was leading us in. She kept suggesting the ugliest and most uncomfortable couches! And i didn't hide my opinions about them. I flat out told her if i thought it was ugly, or horrible to sit on. More than once. And it's been like that since. I do try to bite my tongue a bit, or say things a bit more careful, but it doesn't seem to help. What's crazy is that my tone doesn't sound bitchy. It's just how i say stuff. I can hear it. But i can't seem to help it. My doc said it's hormones, and that i should return to normal after delivery. I find that i get really bad when people tell us what we need to be doing with our baby, or how to parent, or what to buy or not buy, or just general unsolicited advice. Because let's face it...a woman announces she's pregnant, suddenly everyone who's anyone wants to tell you how it's done. Suddenly everyone is a freakin child rearing expert. Just.....shut up and get me a cookie.
6) Tiredness: Still. Being tired is normal during the 1st trimester. But they said it would subside by the second trimester. I'm well into the second trimester and am still exhausted. I take a nap on a daily basis. Normally about an hour, sometimes 2 hours depending on how horribly i slept the night before. Which seems to be a thing as well. And it's all very normal. Not sleeping well at night. Though, the reasons they list in the books aren't accurate for me yet. Like I'm not terribly uncomfortable yet, and baby isn't using my ribs as a punching bag yet. I personally think that my not sleeping very well is a precursor to what having a new born again will be like. Perhaps a psychological thing. And though i'm always tired, (like right now...it's almost nap time and I've yawned 4 times just typing this paragraph) again...i don't complain about it. It just is what it is. Matter a fact. Big deal. Lot's of people are tired. I know I'm not alone. But i do take those naps when i can. Some days of course i can't, and i deal. I just tend to hit my pillow for the night at 9:30 pm instead of 11 pm. Actually, we went to bed at 9:30 pm one Friday night a couple weeks ago. Yup. We are exciting people!! ;)
7) Diabetes & Pregnancy: So this isn't something that every mama-to-be has to deal with. But I'm type 1 diabetic. So my blood sugars are the BIGGEST issue that i deal with during pregnancy. Trying to regulate my blood sugars to be well under 200 ALL. THE. TIME has been difficult. I won't lie. I test about 8-12 times a day. Roughly every two hours. My OB wants my sugars to be at 140 or lower 2 hours after i eat. My endocrinologist says that as long as I'm not above 200 for numerous hours at a time, baby is fine. So we have some disagreement there. I get it. But it stresses me out. So i try to do what my OB asks as she's focusing on this 9 months, and my endo...my entire life. They have different pictures. If you don't know much about diabetes, it's complicated as to why that's a horrendously difficult request. Basically i have to take a crap ton of insulin to keep it there. But since i have an insulin pump, it's made it MUCH easier. And I'm actually really happy and PROUD to report that my sugars have NEVER been better than they are right now!! But pump or not, it's still very difficult.
Diabetes and pregnancy isn't a great combo. Not to say that diabetic women can't have healthy babies, but it makes everything in pregnancy more difficult. For one if your sugars are too high, baby can be very large and not able to be delivered vaginally, among other things. It puts you at a higher risk for everything and baby too!! Higher risk for complications, mental issues, deformities, heart problems...there's a massive list! So that can be terrifying. But add to that docs (perhaps not your regular OB) who don't know you from a can of paint, who preach, preach, PREACH to you and try to terrify you about how your sugar that one morning of 218 (for some reason you're not sure of, because let's face it...diabetes isn't black and white or cut and dry. It's COMPLICATED and not a perfect science no matter what you do!!) is going to cause harm to the baby within your belly. My doc has assured me that before i start doing the rotation of docs (they send you to all the docs in the practice over a 2 month period of appointments so you can at least meet them all once just in case they're on call the day you deliver) she will have a meeting with them all to basically say, "Cool your shit, and don't hound her!! She's ON IT!!" Which i am. I'm one of the few diabetic patients she has that actually gives a crap, and is doing everything i can to bring my sugars down and more level. I went to the dentist ( i HATE the dentist!!) for a cleaning, a filling, and a chip repair one day. Then the next day i went to the eye doctor (diabetics are supposed to go once a year if there are no complications). She said she doesn't have many patients who care enough to actually go. And she didn't even have to ask me to go to those appointments.
When you're pregnant, the body becomes more resistant to the insulin that you are getting in your body. So even though I'm getting a bunch of insulin, and in reality should be having crazy low numbers, I'm not. I'm normal. Which is nice. But as the pregnancy progresses, my sugars will go up if i continue to take the same amount of insulin. Hence: insulin resistance. So the insulin amount has to go up as the pregnancy progresses. And unfortunately it's a guessing game. Again...not a perfect science. But it's a constant battle during pregnancy.
That's the nutshell version. Like i said...diabetes is SUPER COMPLICATED. So it's hard to explain in detail if you don't know 1000% what I'm talking about.
So...not that I'm complaining about having to test so many times a day for baby, or making sure i take all my insulin for things i eat so my sugars don't skyrocket for baby. It's a very good thing!! And I'm glad, no...scratch that. ELATED that my sugars are doing SO well this time!! I'm very hopeful that she'll be a normal size and not 6 weeks early!! It's actually a very good thing for us both!! But if i was going to complain about anything, I'd complain about the disease making my pregnancy harder. I think that's fair.
8) Food: We all know the tale of the husband running out to the car, in his PJ's, throwing a long coat on, running out to the car in his slippers and flying down to the store to grab ice cream and pickles for his pregnant wife in the middle of the night. Yea, yea, yea. First...i want to meet the woman (women) who actually mix those two things together!! I think it's much more likely that they've been smokin something, and aren't pregnant. That's just my theory.
Food has been interesting. There have been a LOT of days where nothing sounds good and so i wind up eating a bowl or cereal or having a PB & J for dinner instead of the chicken and veggies that we prepared. Veggies have been a sore subject for me the past few months. I can't stand most of them. And in real life i LOVE me some veggies!! Like i love almost all of them!! But right now...i hate most of them. I can still stomach potatoes and sweet potatoes. And i can eat frozen veggies. But nothing out of a can, and fresh veggies are fleeting. Just no. Brooks has been very concerned about that. Usually he's the veggie hater, not me. And with baby, i NEED to be getting some veggies. I've had to hide them in food. Like making lasagna or my meat loaf (it's to die for!!) and "tricking" myself into eating them. I did talk to my doc as i'm worried baby is going to come out as a PB & J sandwich or a bagel, and she said not to worry too much. It's about survival during pregnancy.
My cravings haven't been too out there, but at times i just want all the food. I've had cravings for Frosted Flakes (and my cravings are specific!!) and we had to go out the night a big ice storm was to hit us, to go obtain these flakes. Fruit was my favorite craving so far!! One morning i had a massive plate of fruit for breakfast. All fresh, and delicious!!! Loaded tater tots, small cherry pies (the hand pies in the wrapper you can get for $1), Cheese It's, Tomato Soup, Baked goods...I've kept a list of my cravings per week to put in my pregnancy journal at some point. I find them funny. A lot of them i don't act on, but some i do. Especially the ones that keep showing up. Even if they aren't too beneficially nutritious. I'll indulgence. Just not everyday. I can't eat olives or pickles...or anything with a lot of vinegar. Certain foods don't hit my palette very well, so i don't eat them. If i try to force myself, which I've tried to do on several occasions for the benefits that the broccoli and chicken would have for baby, it turns my stomach and i feel sick. So that's a no go. I don't do that anymore.
But then there's the list of things i know i can't eat, or i need to limit. Sushi for one! Ugh. Sushi. I want some spider rolls so bad i can't see straight!! Or smoked salmon!! AHH!!! I told Brooks that after we are released from the hospital, my first stop is Lox, Stock and Bagel to go get a smoked salmon, cream cheese, red onion and tomato bagel before we head home with baby!! :) Most things don't bother me much. It's not forever. Besides, it's for a VERY excellent cause!!
9) Medications: Any OTC medication is a mixed bag. My doctors office gave me a list of all the safe meds i can take that won't hurt baby and are perfectly safe during pregnancy. But there are some that i question. Like Robitussin. That just seems weird to me that it's fine. But then...with everything we've been through to get to this point, I just don't like risking it. So that Tylenol that i know is fine, i wait until I'm at my whits end before i take it. The nausea medication i have (both of them) i won't take until i feel like I'm on death's door step. I just don't like taking meds for things that might go away on their own if i can help it when I'm pregnant. It's just not worth the risk to me. Some folks just don't understand that. They don't have to. I wouldn't wish that knowledge on anyone.
10) The NO's: Oh the list of no's. It's long. Soft cheeses, processed meat that's not heated to 165 degrees first (so no cold sandwiches), runny eggs, raw eggs (no cookie dough), regular coffee (which isn't a big deal for me as i gave it up 2 years ago when we got pregnant the first time, and was never able to go back to regular...*sigh*, so that's not pregnancy related for me), cigarettes (which has been the BEST thing for us!! We both quit and haven't looked back! The smell alone is enough to make us both start heaving!!), caffeinated soda (i miss Sun Drop), alcohol (which i don't miss...just the smell of it on someone else makes me want to hurl)...there's other stuff too. And while it was exhausting at first to remember everything, i got used to it and it's easy-peasy now. And i really don't miss much of it. Aside from the smoked salmon bagel. ;)
I'm sure there are more things to mention, but that's the 10 that stick out. But here's the thing...ALL of this..all of the uncomfortable stuff, the pain in the ass blood sugar issues, the food i miss, the No's...all of it is SO beyond worth it!! At the end of this journey, we'll be holding a beautiful baby in our arms. And it's thanks to this list that we'll be able to do that. Because my body, like any other mother's body, has gone through an incredible process to help take 2 very tiny cells, and build them into a little person who will have the best parts of each of us within her. A little person who we've been waiting patiently to meet, and kiss and cry tears of joy over. A little person that has not only our hearts, but our souls wrapped around her.
I really hope it's not this bad for anyone!!
After all the struggles we had to get pregnant, and STAY pregnant, i refuse to complain about being pregnant. At all. I know how terribly lucky i am to be getting this opportunity. Not all women are so lucky. So no. I won't complain about it. But i will talk about some of the rough points. At the end, i put my Pollyanna spin on it, because at the end of this journey, all that matters is having a healthy baby.
1) Baby Bump: I started showing really early this time. They say that everyone is different (du) and that each pregnancy is different. So even if you've had 10 kids, pregnancy 11 could throw you for a loop. Well this isn't my first rodeo. Even though i had 3 early miscarriages, they count as being pregnant. So this isn't my first rodeo by any stretch. And i kinda figured I'd show early, especially since i didn't have a 6 pack to begin with. But didn't realize it'd be SO early! Lol!! With my son, i started showing about 3 months. Like, my jeans were tight and i couldn't button them. But this time...by 3 months, i looked like i was 5. But I'm so happy to have a bump, that i rock it on a daily basis. Even when i don't leave the house. Why? Because I'm happy and PROUD that my body is nurturing this baby and doing it's job. So i don't complain about how my belly blobs out when i sit down, and the bump is way cuter when i stand up. I don't complain about how HORRIBLY itchy my skin is 24/7. And i don't complain about how all of my clothes (all pregnancy clothes btw) are uncomfortable and i hate leaving the house, because i will be forced to pull up my pants 287 times that afternoon. I might say it matter a fact, but i won't complain. Because i recognize how precious this journey is. And how happy it's made me to get to go on it again!
2) Gas, Bloating & Constipation: All the books discuss this. It is a thing. A bold, uncomfortable and wretched, take no prisoners type of thing. The books actually talk about how bloating is one of the reasons women can show early. So while i did start showing early, a portion of that was bloat. Probably still is i imagine. Pregnancy throws off your whole schedule. Err...morning schedule that is. Most pregnant women can poop around the clock and it isn't just once a day. It can be multiple times a day. Add to that constipation that can last for DAAAAAYS!! Oh lord almighty! It's horrendously uncomfortable!! And the best part? Because your pregnant, ya can't take a laxative to help! I actually had a friend suggest that recently. Ummm...no! But again...i don't complain when these symptoms hit. I just grin and bear it. Eat some prunes (who doesn't love a prune?!), and try to up my fiber intake.
3) Skin: Oh my beautiful skin!! Or it was. Once. BP...before pregnancy. The up side is that it will get better. But right now, it's like i don't know my skin at all. Like all my internal bits have been poured into another skin suit. Zits, bumps, DRYNESS like the Sahara desert, itchy belly, breasts and scalp. Personally, i find the itching about the worst symptom I've dealt with so far. Yes, even worse than the constipation. I'd happily trade it for something else. If my skin would stop itching all day long no matter how much moisturizer i apply, I'd take nausea back...I'd be content with that. I have remedies for that. But again...not complaining. I'm just saying. And i tend to try to think that there's something to that old wives tale that claims when you're pregnant with a daughter, she steals mommy's beauty.
4) Shots: So when women are pregnant, it's pretty standard to get a few shots. Normally a flu shot is the big one, possibly a tetanus shot, and I've been told by my pharmacist that i need to get...something towards the end of my pregnancy to help baby. But with me, because I'm high risk and "advance maternal age", and also at risk for preterm labor (my son was 6 weeks early), it was suggested that i get a shot once a week in my ass cheek to help prolong pregnancy and ward off preterm labor. I would do anything to not have to go through the NICU experience again, so that was an easy decision for me/us. So i do that. Once a week i drive 45 minutes one way to my doctors office, wait for 20 minutes (at least) for a nurse to come get me, and stick me in the cheek with the biggest needle known to man, and inject an oil solution mixed with progesterone that takes FOREVER to go into the skin because it's super thick, and then wait for her to rub the spot on my ass cheek with her thumb so that it doesn't clot, then put a band-aid over it, and on my merry little way i go. Then i wait. About 4 hours later the horrendous nausea kicks in. And it's something that there aren't words to describe how horrible it makes me feel. I mean, I've had the flu on more than one occasion, been sick from drinking, and been crazy sick from food poisoning, as well as morning sickness. But NOTHING EVER LIKE THIS!!!! There just isn't anything i could compare it to. And apparently, in the history of my doc's office of them giving this to women, I'm one of the only one's to ever experience this side effect. Lucky me. At one of the many doctors appointments i had with my other group (i have a few docs in different specialties that i see), they suggested i ask about a anti-nausea medication the next time i went in for it. So i asked the nurse. Who kinda freaked out when i told her my symptoms and why i felt i needed something for it, and she didn't want to give me my injection. I reiterated it to her numerous times that i didn't care how sick it made me, if it was helping my baby, that's all that i cared about, so let's get the show on the road and be done with it. She was still hesitant. It took some further convincing. But i finally got the shot, and two different meds for nausea. And that week, i didn't get the horrendous nausea. I got some, but not enough to warrant medication. But again...medication or not...and nausea or not, i get the shot anyway because even one extra day is better than losing a day. Anything i can do to keep my bun IN the oven, and baking a bit longer is more than worth it to me.
5) Mood: No, not mood swings, but just general mood. I never expected in a million years, that I'd turn into such a biotch. I didn't see this one coming actually. Maybe because we had wanted this for SOOOOO long, or that this is what i had been dreaming about forever. So when my regular tone with people seemed a bit...off, i finally noticed it. My longer fuse with people was now terribly short! And i became super blunt about things!! One day in January we had gone to a furniture store to look for a new couch. To compare prices, though it was the only store we have gone to at this point. The girl who was "helping" us really just pissed me off the second we walked in. She followed us around the damn store!! I refrained (surprisingly) from telling her to go away, but i did try to out walk her. Or go a different direction than one she was leading us in. She kept suggesting the ugliest and most uncomfortable couches! And i didn't hide my opinions about them. I flat out told her if i thought it was ugly, or horrible to sit on. More than once. And it's been like that since. I do try to bite my tongue a bit, or say things a bit more careful, but it doesn't seem to help. What's crazy is that my tone doesn't sound bitchy. It's just how i say stuff. I can hear it. But i can't seem to help it. My doc said it's hormones, and that i should return to normal after delivery. I find that i get really bad when people tell us what we need to be doing with our baby, or how to parent, or what to buy or not buy, or just general unsolicited advice. Because let's face it...a woman announces she's pregnant, suddenly everyone who's anyone wants to tell you how it's done. Suddenly everyone is a freakin child rearing expert. Just.....shut up and get me a cookie.
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| Kinda true!! Making a person is HARD!!! |
7) Diabetes & Pregnancy: So this isn't something that every mama-to-be has to deal with. But I'm type 1 diabetic. So my blood sugars are the BIGGEST issue that i deal with during pregnancy. Trying to regulate my blood sugars to be well under 200 ALL. THE. TIME has been difficult. I won't lie. I test about 8-12 times a day. Roughly every two hours. My OB wants my sugars to be at 140 or lower 2 hours after i eat. My endocrinologist says that as long as I'm not above 200 for numerous hours at a time, baby is fine. So we have some disagreement there. I get it. But it stresses me out. So i try to do what my OB asks as she's focusing on this 9 months, and my endo...my entire life. They have different pictures. If you don't know much about diabetes, it's complicated as to why that's a horrendously difficult request. Basically i have to take a crap ton of insulin to keep it there. But since i have an insulin pump, it's made it MUCH easier. And I'm actually really happy and PROUD to report that my sugars have NEVER been better than they are right now!! But pump or not, it's still very difficult.
Diabetes and pregnancy isn't a great combo. Not to say that diabetic women can't have healthy babies, but it makes everything in pregnancy more difficult. For one if your sugars are too high, baby can be very large and not able to be delivered vaginally, among other things. It puts you at a higher risk for everything and baby too!! Higher risk for complications, mental issues, deformities, heart problems...there's a massive list! So that can be terrifying. But add to that docs (perhaps not your regular OB) who don't know you from a can of paint, who preach, preach, PREACH to you and try to terrify you about how your sugar that one morning of 218 (for some reason you're not sure of, because let's face it...diabetes isn't black and white or cut and dry. It's COMPLICATED and not a perfect science no matter what you do!!) is going to cause harm to the baby within your belly. My doc has assured me that before i start doing the rotation of docs (they send you to all the docs in the practice over a 2 month period of appointments so you can at least meet them all once just in case they're on call the day you deliver) she will have a meeting with them all to basically say, "Cool your shit, and don't hound her!! She's ON IT!!" Which i am. I'm one of the few diabetic patients she has that actually gives a crap, and is doing everything i can to bring my sugars down and more level. I went to the dentist ( i HATE the dentist!!) for a cleaning, a filling, and a chip repair one day. Then the next day i went to the eye doctor (diabetics are supposed to go once a year if there are no complications). She said she doesn't have many patients who care enough to actually go. And she didn't even have to ask me to go to those appointments.
When you're pregnant, the body becomes more resistant to the insulin that you are getting in your body. So even though I'm getting a bunch of insulin, and in reality should be having crazy low numbers, I'm not. I'm normal. Which is nice. But as the pregnancy progresses, my sugars will go up if i continue to take the same amount of insulin. Hence: insulin resistance. So the insulin amount has to go up as the pregnancy progresses. And unfortunately it's a guessing game. Again...not a perfect science. But it's a constant battle during pregnancy.
That's the nutshell version. Like i said...diabetes is SUPER COMPLICATED. So it's hard to explain in detail if you don't know 1000% what I'm talking about.
So...not that I'm complaining about having to test so many times a day for baby, or making sure i take all my insulin for things i eat so my sugars don't skyrocket for baby. It's a very good thing!! And I'm glad, no...scratch that. ELATED that my sugars are doing SO well this time!! I'm very hopeful that she'll be a normal size and not 6 weeks early!! It's actually a very good thing for us both!! But if i was going to complain about anything, I'd complain about the disease making my pregnancy harder. I think that's fair.
8) Food: We all know the tale of the husband running out to the car, in his PJ's, throwing a long coat on, running out to the car in his slippers and flying down to the store to grab ice cream and pickles for his pregnant wife in the middle of the night. Yea, yea, yea. First...i want to meet the woman (women) who actually mix those two things together!! I think it's much more likely that they've been smokin something, and aren't pregnant. That's just my theory.
Food has been interesting. There have been a LOT of days where nothing sounds good and so i wind up eating a bowl or cereal or having a PB & J for dinner instead of the chicken and veggies that we prepared. Veggies have been a sore subject for me the past few months. I can't stand most of them. And in real life i LOVE me some veggies!! Like i love almost all of them!! But right now...i hate most of them. I can still stomach potatoes and sweet potatoes. And i can eat frozen veggies. But nothing out of a can, and fresh veggies are fleeting. Just no. Brooks has been very concerned about that. Usually he's the veggie hater, not me. And with baby, i NEED to be getting some veggies. I've had to hide them in food. Like making lasagna or my meat loaf (it's to die for!!) and "tricking" myself into eating them. I did talk to my doc as i'm worried baby is going to come out as a PB & J sandwich or a bagel, and she said not to worry too much. It's about survival during pregnancy.
My cravings haven't been too out there, but at times i just want all the food. I've had cravings for Frosted Flakes (and my cravings are specific!!) and we had to go out the night a big ice storm was to hit us, to go obtain these flakes. Fruit was my favorite craving so far!! One morning i had a massive plate of fruit for breakfast. All fresh, and delicious!!! Loaded tater tots, small cherry pies (the hand pies in the wrapper you can get for $1), Cheese It's, Tomato Soup, Baked goods...I've kept a list of my cravings per week to put in my pregnancy journal at some point. I find them funny. A lot of them i don't act on, but some i do. Especially the ones that keep showing up. Even if they aren't too beneficially nutritious. I'll indulgence. Just not everyday. I can't eat olives or pickles...or anything with a lot of vinegar. Certain foods don't hit my palette very well, so i don't eat them. If i try to force myself, which I've tried to do on several occasions for the benefits that the broccoli and chicken would have for baby, it turns my stomach and i feel sick. So that's a no go. I don't do that anymore.
But then there's the list of things i know i can't eat, or i need to limit. Sushi for one! Ugh. Sushi. I want some spider rolls so bad i can't see straight!! Or smoked salmon!! AHH!!! I told Brooks that after we are released from the hospital, my first stop is Lox, Stock and Bagel to go get a smoked salmon, cream cheese, red onion and tomato bagel before we head home with baby!! :) Most things don't bother me much. It's not forever. Besides, it's for a VERY excellent cause!!
9) Medications: Any OTC medication is a mixed bag. My doctors office gave me a list of all the safe meds i can take that won't hurt baby and are perfectly safe during pregnancy. But there are some that i question. Like Robitussin. That just seems weird to me that it's fine. But then...with everything we've been through to get to this point, I just don't like risking it. So that Tylenol that i know is fine, i wait until I'm at my whits end before i take it. The nausea medication i have (both of them) i won't take until i feel like I'm on death's door step. I just don't like taking meds for things that might go away on their own if i can help it when I'm pregnant. It's just not worth the risk to me. Some folks just don't understand that. They don't have to. I wouldn't wish that knowledge on anyone.
10) The NO's: Oh the list of no's. It's long. Soft cheeses, processed meat that's not heated to 165 degrees first (so no cold sandwiches), runny eggs, raw eggs (no cookie dough), regular coffee (which isn't a big deal for me as i gave it up 2 years ago when we got pregnant the first time, and was never able to go back to regular...*sigh*, so that's not pregnancy related for me), cigarettes (which has been the BEST thing for us!! We both quit and haven't looked back! The smell alone is enough to make us both start heaving!!), caffeinated soda (i miss Sun Drop), alcohol (which i don't miss...just the smell of it on someone else makes me want to hurl)...there's other stuff too. And while it was exhausting at first to remember everything, i got used to it and it's easy-peasy now. And i really don't miss much of it. Aside from the smoked salmon bagel. ;)
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| This made me laugh!! It's SO true!! |
I'm sure there are more things to mention, but that's the 10 that stick out. But here's the thing...ALL of this..all of the uncomfortable stuff, the pain in the ass blood sugar issues, the food i miss, the No's...all of it is SO beyond worth it!! At the end of this journey, we'll be holding a beautiful baby in our arms. And it's thanks to this list that we'll be able to do that. Because my body, like any other mother's body, has gone through an incredible process to help take 2 very tiny cells, and build them into a little person who will have the best parts of each of us within her. A little person who we've been waiting patiently to meet, and kiss and cry tears of joy over. A little person that has not only our hearts, but our souls wrapped around her.
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