A Look Back....

A new year is upon us and with that comes a great deal of new things. For some people its the same old same old. But i think it's nice to really give the past year a good hard look and see that it's not all been the same day in and day out. For some of us, it's easier to see all the wonderful things that we experienced, new friends that were made, and good times had. For others, it's a struggle.

Myself, i can look back over this last year and know each day brought something to the table.

I was almost homeless last Christmas. I had no car to live in, so i would have been on the literal street if i hadn't gotten help from a local organization to keep my apartment. I was so terribly thankful to the man in that office who looked at me and said "It's not right! No one should loose their home at Christmas!" and handed me a check to cover the rent for December. I was in tears!!

Last January, i returned to school. I worked my butt off and got pretty decent grades. Returning to school brought a new adventure to my life and one of self reflection as well. Trying to figure out what i wanted to be when i "grow up". I didn't think i'd ever go back to school, but i was glad to have the opportunity, and i worked hard to get into UNCG. It wasn't easy and they made me jump through a lot of hoops. But i did it!

As the winter months dragged on, i continued my studies and worked hard to get good grades. It'd been a while since i was in school, and as an adult student, it wasn't as easy as it was the first time i was in college. But i just kept at it. One day at a time.

In the spring i returned to Shakori and was there with friends for several days over a long weekend. I worked hard in my classes so i could be there and miss a couple days without missing important things. My professors were all great about it as it'd been planned for 6 months, so they let me take exams early so i wouldn't be graded down for them. It was a fun time, but the rain was definitely a pain in the ass! The rain also brought spiders into the tent and i lost my shit a couple times due to the massive spiders that were everywhere and who seemed to be following me around in the woods! Lol!!

At the beginning of May i was able to go up to Virginia for my nephew's college graduation! My friend Ginny lent me her car for the drive so i wouldn't have to rent one, and off i went. My sister and her family were able to fly out for it as well and it was so great to see them!! Kim was definitely missing from the celebration, but we kept saying she was there in spirit.

My nephew the graduate!

Me, my nephew and my sister Raylea

 
At the end of May i went on a 8 day camping trip with a bunch of my friends and had the best time!! That trip truly changed my life! I thought Shakori was awesome, but that trip was way better!! I met some amazing people who have become my second family!!

A couple weeks later i went to Brooks' birthday party. I had met him on the camping trip a couple weeks prior, and truth be told i had a little crush on him. That story will be told at a later date as it's kind of extensive, but it's a good one!!

Ahh...this was the beginning of something amazing! Two bad dancers having a great time and our dear friend Lulu!

A few weeks after his party i went to Wilmington to see him, and we've been dating ever since!

Over the summer there were a few more trips to the beach, went to see some shows, a couple cook outs, birthday parties and time spent with my east coast adopted family.

In September Brooks asked me to move in with him, and he moved back to the Piedmont area. So we started looking for a house together and moved in with his parents until we could find one. We're still currently looking...

In October we went on our first camping trip as a couple! We went to Fall Shakori. It was a difficult trip. We had a great time outside our campsite, but inside that site, was not so much fun. Even some of our friends who came by our campsite noticed some tension. We decided that we would not be back in the spring, and if we went to the fall one next year, we'd pay to come and not volunteer.  In addition, we would change sites.

On one of our shifts at Shakori

In November I realized that i needed to change majors. I had a long talk with my friend Ginny and Brooks' mom Sherrie about it. Brooks is super supportive of whatever i want to do! The talk with his mom made me realize that i miss being in the arts and that's where my true passion lies. I then went to talk with my advisor and she encouraged me to change majors so that i'm happy doing what i love, not just doing what i need to for the money. I started an Etsy shop just before thanksgiving and it really took off! I had handmade ornaments ranging from my top seller of the Holiday Bacon to Santa, reindeer and stockings. I even got an order for the holiday bacon from Russia!!

Brooks was able to have Thanksgiving with his family for the first time in two years! His family on both his mom, and his dad's sides have welcomed me in with open arms!! His family is awesome and his parents are two of the greatest people I've ever met!! His mom and i are pretty close and have a lot in common. It's so nice to feel so loved by them! They've definitely been a wonderful addition to my life!!

December consisted of a lot!! A fantastic birthday party for one of our dear friends, the annual NYP Ball, a benefit for another dear friend who was the victim of a hit and run in Boone, a Christmas party with two other close friends, Christmas with both sides of Brooks' family, a trip to the Biltmore in Asheville just after Christmas day, and a trip up to the Smokey mountains to see another good friend! It's been a busy month, but we've had so much fun!!

This is probably one of my favorite picture from our 6 months together!! I sure do love this man!! This was at the annual NYP Christmas Ball. Man, the hippies sure do clean up well!!

Breakfast at my friends restaurant, Tomato Jam Cafe.
I was so excited to take the fam there!! If you've never been,
do yourself a favor in 2013 and GO!!! M-F 8-2:30 in Asheville.

My sweetie and I at Biltmore.

Another amazing place...Burgermeister's. A total luck of the GPS! Brooks found it and looked up the menu. Such a fun place, the waitress was awesome and the food, incredible!! This is the Guinness burger!

On the way down the mountain...

This year has been a wonderful one!! The good things totally outweighed the bad! I'm really looking forward to seeing what 2013 has in store for us!

The Story of a lil Shop

The last month has been pretty awesome I must say! After deciding to change my major to Fine Art it's like someone flipped a switch! I've managed to find all kinds of inspiration and creativity! Something that i haven't had in quite some time.

The creativity has done wonders for my soul as well as my battered self confidence. Battered due to this last semester of chemistry and stats. Two classes that i failed. BUT...the important thing is the things i learned about myself in failing those two classes. Or figured out about myself really. For one...I was meant to be an artist. It's something I've always been good at. Something I've always enjoyed. And something that has helped create the person i am today.

My fear when i was younger with getting a BFA was that artists don't make any money. Money has been a push for my career ever since i was young. Who wants to be a poor starving artist anyway? So i tried to go for a career that i wasn't 100% on because it would mean a better income. But here's the thing that i found along the way...money doesn't mean you'll love what you do. Period. Simple right? My advisor, who is one of my professors this semester, and i had a long talk about changing my major. She told me that she has 3 jobs and makes decent money. But if she only had the one job, she'd only be making 35K a year. If she was lucky maybe 38K. She said that she does enjoy her job most of the time because she's good at it, but it's not something she loves doing. Along with her advice, and several other people's advice, i decided i would change my major to do what i loved doing. So here i am. Working towards my bachelors in fine art.

At one point around that time i told Brooks i was thinking of starting up an Etsy (Here's my shop... www.etsy.com/shop/ladybugblvd) shop with handmade ornaments. I used to make stuff all the time! But i honestly wasn't sure where to start with my ideas, or if anyone would actually buy them. But i thought...what the hell! I'd give it a go and see what happened. I picked a name...(Ladybug Blvd is actually due to the ladybugs that have decided to nest in the house and they were everywhere that week. There's still a few and I've become a bit obsessed with them. I just love them!! The second thing i made after the first ornament was a ladybug pin cushion!) and away i went! Well 3 weeks later, I've shipped out dozens of orders across the US and even one in Canada!

The ornament that is going great guns is my Holiday Bacon. I do love that one! I mean come on...Bacon is a BIG thing right now!!

My other fav is Santa. I think he's adorable!! 

More importantly with this shop that I've gotten going, is how much fun I'm having with it!! Even when i stick my thumb with the needle 10 times a day, I'm still having a blast! And when the thread knots together a dozen times per ornament...i get flustered, but when it's finished, I'm happy. I may not be making a ton of money at it, and i don't think i've broken even quite yet with the supplies, but I'm having the best time!

Brooks is SO unbelievably supportive of this venture!! He set up a workshop space for me in the garage and drove with me up to Martinsville VA the other day to go to the JoAnn's store that i thought had my bacon colored felt. It's a different color than just regular red, and my customers would totally notice if i tried to pull off a red and cream colored bacon. Not to mention, I would know i tried to pull one over and i am just not ok with that!! So we drove a half hour and got to the store, only to find...that's not where i bought it. Sigh...but i refused to leave empty handed. So i bought my bacon thread. The bacon uses very particular colors of felt and embroidery floss, and because we live in a small town right now, it's hard to find all the stuff i need. The next day we went to Greensboro and found the rest of what i needed. Turns out i can get most of my materials at Michaels Craft Store and Hobby Lobby.

The amount of felt that i have is ridiculous!! I have a stack of colors about a foot high! On top of all the ribbon, beads, threads, and other items i use...it's surprising that i have space to sit when i work!


Along with my shop of handmade ornaments and gifts, I'm part of a Dare to DIY group. (Check out what others are doing here...http://www.twotwentyone.net/ ) Which has been very fun! This weeks theme is "Give Handmade". This one was easy for me. I wish i had all the items i plan to give this year, but since I've been processing all these orders, i haven't had time to work on them. And this week i had a nasty cold and got nothing done the day before yesterday. But they're in my head, just waiting to be made.

Here is a crazy ornament that i made for a friend of mine for her birthday. A flamingo (that is an inside joke with us) with a tutu, a few necklaces, a funny hippy hat and ribbons around it's ankles to fill in for shoes that she wears with awesome shoe laces. She loved it!! It was so much fun making this for her!! I just kept adding things until i had no more room! A very fancy flamingo!!

Giving handmade is going to be very fun this year! I'm really looking forward to getting all my other items finished!

I may not be a big business yet, but you have to start somewhere!! My ultimate dream with this is to be able to make a living doing what i love, and love what i do! ♥

What's in a Song?

So I joined a blogging DIY Dare to do it Yourself a couple weeks ago. It's 4 weeks of holiday DIY. I figured if nothing else, it was a great way for me to dig a little deeper into my creativity, which worked because it's in overdrive right now!! Each week there is a theme to go off of and the idea is to craft or DIY something awesome and post a pic. Here's a link to one of the hosts to see what other people are doing...http://decorandthedog.blogspot.com/

This week's theme is to Entertain. I thought of a bunch of creative ways to DIY something for my guests, my human guests that is. But what about the guest who inspire us everyday with their beautiful words in the form of song? I'm talking about our feathered friends of course!

This idea came to me the other day. Monday actually. I had opened the door to the house to let some fresh air come in as it was a GORGEOUS day out. I made lunch for Brooks and I and went down to the basement where he was organizing to tell him lunch was ready. When i came back upstairs, there was a small bird in the house! He flew around for a few minutes, perching on things on the high shelves in the dinning room and living room (it's an open floor plan) before making his way back outside.

After lunch i went down to the basement, where we had left those doors open as well since we were working (we live in the country so it's not like we'll get the unwelcome human visitor!). I went into our room down there, and perched on his computer was the same little bird. He scared the bajeezus out of me and i jumped several feet when he startled and flew out the door again. Laughing, i thought "Ok bird! Just because the door is open doesn't mean to come in!" But then i thought about this weeks theme. And inspiration hit!!

Here it is...a feeder for my little friends outside!

I know the holidays are all about family and friends! Which is what gets me through the holiday each year. I get stressed about how commercialized everything is nowadays and i am a broke, unemployed student. And after my grandmother passed away 14 years ago just before Christmas, it's been my least favorite holiday (we were very very close). But this year i am definitely feeling the Christmas spirit again in new and wonderful ways!! I've got this creative surge that i think has been hiding for way too long.

So it got me to thinking...we go to a lot of effort to entertain our families and friends at the holidays. We go to store after store after store to find the perfect gifts, wrappings, stocking stuffers and tasty feast ingredients. We get stuck in holiday traffic, fight for parking in packed lots, stand in insane lines in the stores and have to deal with rude sales people and even worse holiday shoppers trying to grab the last scarf on the rack. And at the end of the holiday, we're tired, exhausted, and cranky as we clean up the mess of it all and are relived that it's over. Some of us worry that the sweater we bought for Aunt Betty wasn't her taste, but she was just too nice to say anything. Or that the Batman toy we got for our nephew Jake, was something he already had, but was raised well enough not to say anything. At this point, we're wondering why the hell we go to all this trouble if what we give people they either don't like, don't need or already have. But wouldn't it be nice to know that someone out there is super appreciative of the gift you gave them, wholeheartedly without a forced smile? Something they need, want and will never return without our knowledge or re-gift next year? And something they'll use everyday and be so happy doing so!! (Sorry if this is sounding like a major downer...i've seen too many holiday movies and commercials...and been through this too many times!!) But that was the idea with this feeder. Birds don't care what color it is, where it came from (Goodwill actually!) or how much it cost (About a dollar!!). But it's something that will always fit them!! And even better...it's an entertaining piece! Because they come to dinner too!!

I found my cup and saucer at Goodwill. Each piece was 49 cents! And i already had E-6000 to adhere it together for stability!! I fill the cup part with water, and the saucer part with seeds or bits of bread. Mine are filled with sesame seed crackers and broken bits of rye crackers. And ya know what? It's perfect!!

I have a bit of a love for birds. I wrote about my view of my own life like that of a caged and now freed bird, a couple weeks ago on my blog. So i won't repeat myself. But i love that i can do something for them. They've given me a lot just by opening my eyes and ears to them. And now I've found a way to slightly repay them for the strength they've given to me.♥

Be Thankful

Thanksgiving is upon us. It's my most favorite of the holidays!! My sweet boy was born on thanksgiving morning 14 years ago! It feels like yesterday. I can't believe he'll be 14 this year! Where does the time go for crying out loud?!

Every year i do the 30 days of thankfulness on Facebook. Each day i write on my post what i'm thankful for. And every year it kills me to wait until the 26th of November to say how terribly thankful i am for Chandler. But i wait on purpose. I am of course so very thankful for that boy 365 days a year, but i wait until his birthday to yammer on and on about how amazing he is, how much he's changed my life, and of course, how much i love him.

I also like to look back on the last year at thanksgiving. For example, last year i had no money. None. I was unemployed and the feds decided to yank my unemployment for a few months because they overpaid me in 09'. So, right before thanksgiving, i was broker than broke, trying to figure out how to keep my tiny apartment with no money. I was selling off all of my books and DVD's to put food on my table and literally trying to just survive the day to day. I was terrified. So needless to say...this year i have a LOT to be thankful for!!

In the last year I've returned to school, gone to see some amazing bands, met and gotten to know a lot of really wonderful people, and met the man of my dreams! I've also started this blog as a creative outlet that has led me to other creative outlets like my Etsy shop (here i am...http://www.etsy.com/shop/LadybugBlvd), a Facebook page for my shop and countless hours crafting and coming up with new items each day!

In my blogging about my life and searching out pics of cute pixie cut grow-outs, i found this lovely lady. In reading about her son and new home, she offered a fun thanksgiving project along with 3 other awesome bloggers. Dare to DIY! So i joined!! I figured, why not! Sounds like fun and it's been an added bonus to my creativity that's been on overdrive lately! (See all the cool projects here...http://www.maybematilda.com/2012/11/dare-to-diy-be-thankful.html )

I decided to make a magnet set that is also a picture/artwork holder. Made from mini-clothespins, it's perfect for small pictures, small artwork or notes of what members of the house are thankful for. Of course i have a picture of Chandler on here (along with pics of my adorable nephew and niece and my favorite photo of Brooks with his dad and grandpa!)!

So, all this rambling to say...i have a lot to be thankful for this year. I have an amazing child who i love, adore, and miss terribly. I have a lot of new amazing friends. I'm still in school. I've got the greatest man in my life i could ever ask for (who is SUPER supportive of all of my ridiculous crafting, blogging and other artsy stuff)!! And of course, a wonderful adopted family.

Though my life is far from perfect, going through some of the things I've been through, makes me thankful for the simple things, and revel in them. There are so many people in the world that have nothing and have to fight day to day just to survive. Life is short. Enjoy the simple moments of the day. Enjoy the people you're around. Find something good in each day, even when you're having a bad one. A different outlook on life can be a big thing. And it can really change how you view the world. Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world". So go. Be the change. Start with today and be thankful!!

Learning to Fly

I've said for the last 5 years that my life has been a bit like a bird in a cage.

When i was younger, i went through a lot of abusive and controlling relationships. All of the relationships i had for over 10 years were negative, controlling, emotionally abusive, belittling and tumultuous.

My boyfriend in high school had convinced me to run away from home. I went with him to Vancouver WA, and we were staying at his mom's house. His mom had told me one day when he was gone, that when i wanted to go home, she had a plan and would help me leave. She knew exactly what he was like and how controlling and abusive he could be. Though I didn't realize that at the time. But that's a big red flag when it comes from the mother.

One night she was working late and he and i had gotten into a water fight. Innocent enough. But then things turned. He got angry and chased me down the hall and grabbed me by the hair (it was long at the time). He dragged me into the bathroom and turned the water on in the bathtub. He forced my head under the water and i couldn't breath. It only lasted a few seconds, as his mom thankfully came home and asked what the hell was going on. I decided i was done. I left a week later.

When i was married, my husband was very controlling. He wouldn't let me talk to my family much, and refused to let me spend the holidays with them on more than one occasion. I wasn't allowed to see my friends because of his jealousy and insecurities. He was more than a little emotionally abusive! He had me convinced that if i ever left him I'd be on the street and he would never let me see Chandler again. I stayed longer than i wanted due to that. It was a long 4 dark years in my life. And entailed much more than i am discussing here.

After that i met someone else. He was an adult and the fighting that i was used to didn't exist. While he taught me a lot about how to have an adult relationship, there were a number of things that didn't work and weren't fair. At the end of our 6 year relationship he said that he was controlling but in a different way. He would nit-pick me until i did what he wanted. He would complain on what i wanted to wear out of the house until i changed clothes. He would pick about everything i did. From how i dealt with my son, how i did laundry and cooked, to how messy my desk in the office space was. He told me that his hope was that if he bitched enough, i'd go fix whatever it was, or i wouldn't do it anymore. In my own stubbornness, I would never give in very easily. It just wasn't the way i worked. If he didn't love me for who i was then and there, what was the point in being together? I left after 6 years together.

After that i moved into my own apartment. After a couple years i decided to move to North Carolina. I didn't know a soul, had no job, but felt a pull and had to find a way to go. And i did. I left Oregon and all the crap and bullshit memories behind to build a new life, somewhere i wanted to be.

I've said that for a long time i was like a bird in a small cage. I couldn't flap my wings. I didn't know how to fly. When i left my ex-husband, i just moved into a bigger cage. I could flap my wings, but still couldn't fly. When i left the man after him, i finally broke free from the cage, but still couldn't fly. But i could flap my wings! There was a silver lining!!

When i packed the 16' moving truck with all my things, and headed south on I-5 that day in October, i cried. I cried like a baby! For several miles. I couldn't believe i was actually leaving!! Finally! It was one of the best feelings in the world! I was doing this and i was doing it on my own!!

When i crossed the Tennessee border into North Carolina i cried again! I couldn't believe i was here!! It took me 7 days to cross 9 states by myself. I saw some really amazing things, some beautiful places and met some really cool people.

I was told by a few people before i left that i shouldn't go. I was crazy to go alone and not have help or a man to help me drive and protect me. I scoffed at that. I would reply with "If it's my time, it's my time. I didn't need help to do this and more importantly, it was something i needed to do on my own". To say i didn't have a lot of support in going, is a bit of an understatement. My mom however, was surprisingly very supportive. She kept telling me how proud of me she was for doing what i felt i needed to do. That meant a lot!!

When i look back on that time in my life, and those 10 years, i often wonder if that all wasn't just a bad dream. It just feels like it didn't happen when i look at how far I've come. I look back at that timid scared little bird and wonder how the hell she ever found her confidence to fly across country and sing. Breaking out of that cage was the best thing i've ever done. 

So, that is the story of this bird you see. It's fitting that it's a Cardinal. It's North Carolina's state bird and my most favorite bird! And a broken cage will be added soon to finish it. It represents all that i went through to get here, and the personal strength and courage (the tat is also next to the Strength/Courage tattoo) it took. When i look at it, it's a vivid reminder of who i was and who I've come to be. And when i get down on myself for not doing certain things, or feeling like i "can't", i remind myself of how far I've come and how i taught myself to fly. ♥

Auto Name Generator Fail

When i got this blog going, i wanted to put in a specific name and address so it was easy for me to remember, but still meant something. I had to fool with a few things because my ideas were "already taken". I went with one they offered and didn't look too much at the spelling. Until the other day. I realized that my blog address is spelled...lovehappenes. (Hence...ES for those not seeing it. Kinda slips past a person i think) But seriously!! Really?! I'm so annoyed. I realize this is a SUPER TINY issue, but still. Yea, sure...take me seriously please. I can't spell. Ugh. Anyway...i really just wanted to clear that up to anyone who is new and reading this asking themselves, "Really lady? Wow. Ya can't spell!!" It's not totally my fault.

Following My Passion

Sitting in my chemistry lab Monday, i watched the video about the lab we were about to do. I had no idea what it was, even though we watched info on it. I sat there looking around the room. All my classmates seemed to know what the video was talking about. I didn't. I thought about my chemistry lecture class. I'm failing that class. I failed the last exam and got a D on the first one. It wasn't pretty. I knew i was going to have to appeal for financial aid for spring. It seemed pointless to try to muddle through a class i knew i wasn't going to pass. Another class that i would ultimatley fail.

Failure.

We were dismissed from pre-lab and everyone headed to the lab to get set up. I headed further down the hall. I went into the women's room and tried to pull myself together in a stall. I started to cry. I started to hyperventilate. I left. I left the building and had an inner dialog with myself..."What the hell are you doing?" "I'm leaving. I can't do this shit! I don't get it!" "Well the math is definitely holding you back...but seriously? Are you sure you want to do this? What are you gonna do now?" "I don't know! I don't know. I can't be here though. I look like a fucking idiot!"

I headed to my friend Ginny's house. She opened the door and welcomed me with a hug. I burst into tears. When she asked what was going on, it was nice that she actually cared. We talked about it for a while. She kept saying that it was stupid that i had to take so much chemistry when i wasn't going into researching. She agreed with me about the math. According to UNCG, they said i'd already taken college algebra. Which i hadn't. I had started taking it back in school the first time, but dropped the class when i found out i didn't need it for the degree i was seeking. So, if UNCG had realized that correctly, i wouldn't have gotten into stats or chemistry since it's a prereq for both classes! Partly my own fault, and part theirs. Either way, i wasn't doing well in school this semester.

I knew fall semester would be difficult. I never imagined it would have been THIS difficult! I missed a week of classes due to illness in September, that were all very important for further lessons in all my classes. They were all core information classes. And i was now lacking all of that.

Ginny's husband Paul, and a very dear friend came home from work. He took one look at my tear stained face and knew i'd had a bad day. He offered me a beer. We continued discussing the issues i was having. When i left, i felt a little better. Their love and support was very much appreciated and needed. I consider them family. Like adopted parents. They treat me like a daughter. And having them on my side, has been wonderful!

On the drive home there were more tears. I didn't know how i was going to tell Brooks that i was quitting. I had failed. Who wants to date a failure and a quitter? (And a girl with bad grow-out hair!!) And what the hell was i going to do now?! The hour drive seemed to take forever and by the time i got home, i wished the drive had been another hour.

Brooks knew i didn't have a good day. I wasn't supposed to be home until 8:30 and it was only a little after 5. He gave me a big hug and asked what happened. I cried and told him. And i told him what my fear was...him dating a failure. A person who was giving up because classes were too hard. I said to him through tears, "Why would you want to date someone who's a failure and a quitter? And with bad hair!" He chuckled at that, but shushed me and said that the math was a big part of that, and that wasn't all my fault. He had been watching me struggle all semester and saw how the stress was eating me alive. I'd never been this stressed out with school before. Nor had i ever failed a class, let alone three!!

Later in the evening as we sat on the couch watching TV it hit me. My big problem with the whole thing. Chandler. I didn't want to fail my son. I had wanted him to be proud of his mom. I wanted him to look at me one day and say, "Look at how hard my mom worked for her education! She paid for school twice on her own! Alone! And look at how far she's come!!" I wanted to have a career that he could be proud of! He was so excited when i told him that i was going to study to be a diabetes educator. How would he feel when i said, "Oh well...yea. That didn't work so i'm gonna get a bachelors in art".

I posted something about considering changing my major on facebook. An old friend from back home, a mother herself commented on it and asked what i was thinking about doing. I told her what my big problem was. She commented back and said, "Girl...if you keep going and just change your degree there is NO "failing!" You have started...you have a desire to finish and that's all you need. The key is going to be finding something that catches your interest so much that it doesn't matter how difficult it is....because what's keeps our attention comes easier. When I first went back to school I went for Education with a specialization in Special Ed....after the first term I hated it!! I knew I loved kiddos with disabilities and so I just jumped on board an went with it....I have gotten an A in every class that has to do with this...not because I'm uber smart....but simply because it's my passion!! You'll find it....he's not going to think any less of you with a different degree....it's the ending point that matters!" 

It was the best thing anyone could have said to me! And it really hit home. She was a mom of 3 boys, so i really respect her opinion with this. She knew what i was going through, and had a great outlook on it. And for her, i am thankful!! 

The next day i went to talk to financial aid. Online it said i had to talk to them first, before changing my major. They said i would have to talk to my current advisor to discuss it. I would also have to appeal financial aid for spring since i would fail so many classes and not pass the required credits to keep it. With a medical issue, that was documented, they don't see a problem with it. Especially since i'll have a letter of my own, a letter from my doctor, a success plan written up, including what my new plan for graduation is, and using a lot of the credits i already have towards my fine arts degree. I felt better.

Driving home yesterday, i got to thinking...what am i going to do with a fine arts degree though? I talked to Brooks' mom Sherrie for a while last night while i made dinner. She asked me if i'd ever thought about teaching? I had, a long time ago when i wanted to be a high school English teacher. But i'd never thought about teaching art to anyone or even at a university level. I told her that i think i was so focused on making money, and making a good living, that i wasn't as focused on my passion and what i really wanted to do with my life. She said that she knew first hand what that was like. She didn't follow her passion when she was younger and fell into a job that made her a good living. And stayed there. I knew a lot of people like that. I told her the big part was that i've struggled my entire adult life, and really wanted to make a good income, get a job that payed well and would last in economic downturns. But my artistic brain just didn't work like that. I told her about a business back home that caters art around kids and families and it would be great to open something up like that here. Although when it comes to art, i have a lot of ideas for small businesses.

Sherrie told me that i needed to follow what i love. Get my BFA and enjoy going to classes every day. There was a lot i could do with a BFA, but first i needed to get it. Chandler would be proud of me no matter what...because i followed my heart. 

At the end of the day, if i'm covered in clay, paint, glaze, and charcoal...if that's what makes me happy, and i can go to my job everyday and enjoy what i do...that's all that should matter!!

The Hair Situtation...

So a few weeks ago i decided that i was going to grown my hair back out. I've had a short style for over 5 years, and I'm ready for a change. Oh but the agony of the great grow out. WHY does it seem to take FOREVER to even grow 1/8 of an inch?! I'm not very patient and get bored easily when it comes to my hair. It's shocking I've had a short style for so long now that i think about it.

It doesn't help that i have VERY thin fine hair. Like baby fine hair (Thanks mom!). It sucks ladies!! If you have thick or even reasonably thick hair, be happy. Don't ever wish for fine hair. My other issue...i know me. When i grow it out to pony tail (even a short one!) length, it's always up or pulled back. Why do i feel the need to grow it out, just to pull it back? Well because women do that. And like i said, i'm ready for a change.

The growing out of a very short haircut is such a pain in the ass! I know this. I've had short hair off and on since i was 13, so I've done the grow out thing a few times. I wasn't allowed to cut my hair until i was 13 and at one point before finally getting it cut, i could sit on my hair (enter the Crystal Gayle jokes here...). I was teased about my long hair when i was a kid. A bully-girl at school grabbed a hold of my braid once and proceeded to have a boy hold it, wrapped around his hand as she hit me behind the wall of the playground when i was in 4th grade. So to say i have negative memories with my hair, is a fair assessment.

I've thought about getting extensions to make the process easier, but again, with thin hair...ya can't do that without them being visible. And that's just not attractive. Nor is it in the budget, as the upkeep for them i hear is considerable.

I must say, my hair does grow a bit faster living in the south! I assume it's the humidity. Which I'm ok with! I'll take any help i can get. But the problem i always run into...is keeping it cute while it's growing out. Anyone who's had a very short pixie-type style knows what I'm talking about. There's the mullet-thing too! Oh dear lord, the mullet!!! Ugh!! I feel like I've got one already! It's usually when i know i need a haircut...when the back of my hair starts to brush my collar on my jackets; it's time. I actually combed the back of my hair straight this morning while it was still wet just to see how far down my neck it was. It was much too long for my liking. Brooks insisted i didn't have a mullet because it's not really long down my neck, but come on now...it's still a mullet. And it's hideous!! Needs some controlling! I'll be happy to see my stylist, Adam, next week!!

I've been scouring the web to find cute grow-out styles that i can show to Adam and say "This is what I'm working towards". But have you ever noticed, the stars don't typically have very many pics taken when their hair is in the grow-out stage? Damn stars! They've got the money to hire people who can take care of their hair on a daily basis and keep them from having too many hideous hair days. And then of course, i see all the cute short styles and think, "Why am i growing it out? This is adorable!" But the reality is, I'm tired of it. It's pretty much the same everyday. And while it's quick to deal with in the morning (i can literally get in the shower, and walk out of the house totally ready in less than 30 minutes. My hair takes about 5 minutes once I'm out of the shower), and once it's on its way to growing out, it'll add to my morning time, I'm looking forward to having options for what to do with my hair again.

Hair is a funny subject when you talk to people about it. Men typically aren't fans of short styles. I get it i guess. Long hair has always been seen as feminine, and I've had people assume i was a lesbian because i had a short style. (You know what they say about assuming people! Geez) And I've had a few ex's who wanted me to grow my hair out for them. I showed them the door. Sorry, my hair is MINE. If ya can't deal with that, see ya!! My ex-husband wouldn't allow me (yes, i said allow) to cut my hair. Period. Brooks likes what I'm happy with. When i did a faux-hawk this summer, i asked him if he was embarrassed to be seen with me, with my hair sticking straight up. He laughed and said he liked it, and it was my hair so i should do what i want. Man i love him!! Anyway, so when i told him i was gonna grow it out, while he didn't stand in the way, he said it was totally up to me, and he would love me even if i was bald.

A woman's hair style says a lot about her. Shows how confident she is, shows her creativity, what she's comfortable with, and I've heard...character. I personally think that last part is total crap. But i agree with the first part. I've always said, "It's just hair! It'll grow back if ya don't like it". And i think I've proved that. I'm always the girl who will try to talk a friend into chopping it all off if they're questioning the scissors.

When you go from long hair to a very short style, you feel like a different person! I can't explain it if you haven't experienced it, but it can be very empowering! And i always recommend doing something new and exciting in life. Even if it's just cutting your hair! For me...this time, it's growing it out. And it starts...now.

Spicy Mac & Cheesy

So for those who know, i cook. I love to cook!! And I'm a pretty damn good cook at that! If i do say so myself, usually it's what everyone else says though. ;) I've worked hard at becoming a decent cook. It's one of the most simple pleasures for me. It's where i can let go of my stress and enjoy the moment!

I cook for the most part by taste. I don't like to follow recipes much. I typically use them as a base and add what i want based on my likes, or omit stuff based on my dislikes. My spicy mac is no different. However, to be fare, i never had a recipe to go from. It was really trial and error until i had something pretty great.  I've made it for Brooks a couple months ago and he thought he'd died and gone to heaven.

I love homemade mac and cheese! And in the south it's practically a staple! If you can make a good mac and cheese, you are good people! BUT...too many people make it and it's very bland. Not my cup of tea. I like flavor in my food. Mac and cheese is no different. The things i cook are full of flavor and most of it is all fairly simple.

So...I've made this a million times and been asked what i do to my mac to make it spicy. Well it's not hard, and it's actually a recipe that I'm willing to share.

Here it is:

1-2 cups of dried macaroni (dependent on how many people you want to feed)
1 large or 2 small poblano peppers (also called an Anaheim pepper) chopped into small pieces inluding some of the seeds
1-2 tomatoes (again, based on how large of a pan you want)
2 cloves of garlic finely minced
1/2 sweet yellow onion chopped in medium chunks
1 1/2 cups of mexican style grated cheese
1 1/2 cups of pepper jack cheese
3 Tablespoons sour cream
2-5 tablespoons of Sriracha (that awesome hot sauce that people put on everything!)
1 teaspoon of sea salt
1-2 teaspoons of freshly ground pepper

Directions:

Boil macaroni until desired done-ness. Drain. Put back in pot and add 1 cup of each of the cheeses, sour cream and hot sauce. Stir until everything is well blended. Next, add the onions, garlic and poblano pepper. Mix to combine. Pour into a baking dish. Sprinkle the top with the rest of the cheese. Add another dash of salt and pepper. Bake at 350 degrees 45-55 minutes until bubbly and veggies are tender. Serve while hot. Enjoy!!

Hope everyone likes this!! The spiciness is really dependent on your own taste, so add the Sriracha a little at a time and taste as you go. Or omit the hot sauce. It's still a damn tasty recipe!!

Brooks doesn't like tomatoes, so i'm careful to mix
them only on one half of the mac

Greens-iversary #3

Today i have lived in NC 3 years. It's my anniversary. I post something every year about it on Facebook. The last two i talked about how much the move has changed my life for the better, even with the trials and tribulations. This year is no different, except for the fact that in the last year things have changed for the better in the most amazing ways!

I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm usually a pretty upbeat person. I try to always find the silver lining of stuff. Sometimes, depending on the situation, it can take me a few days or so, but i always find it. I'm one of those "things happen for a reason" people. Brooks is too. Which is really nice so i don't have to explain myself.

Over the last year I've met some truly amazing people, made a bunch of really awesome new friends, gone back to school (even if i am struggling in some classes) and met the love of my life. When i look back on the last year it's crazy to me that all of it's happened in a year! 365 days of change. Along with the trials and tribulations, I've also had some amazing opportunities and experienced some of the best times of my life!

Last December i was almost homeless. I had no income at all, and almost was evicted from my apartment. I had lost my car the previous April and was walking and taking the bus everywhere i needed to go. Which in most cities isn't a big deal. Here...ugh! It's a freakin disaster! I won't go into that though. It's not the point. But it added to the crap i was dealing with.

In January I started back to school. I did ok considering i hadn't been in school in about 5 years and it was hard! Much harder classes than the ones back home at community college. I'm still plugging away at it. It's gonna be a long 3+ year road, but a decision i'm glad i made.

 In April i went to another Shakori festival. It rained most of the weekend and that part was terrible. The weather made the massive spiders of the forest come out and were everywhere! Those two things alone made me almost not want to go back. Lol.

May marked my 33rd birthday and the following weekend was my nephew's college graduation. I borrowed my friends car and drove up to VA for the celebration. It was great to see family i hadn't seen in quite a while!!

Me, my nephew Patrick and my sister Raylea

Patrick and I after his ceremony

I met Brooks at the end of May and things have never been the same!! I've never been happier! He's an incredible man whom i am thankful for every day!! I can honestly say that camping trip changed my life!! I feel truly blessed for having been a part of it and for meeting the new friends and chosen family i have in my life!!

In June i moved in with my friends Jess and Ed for the summer. It was nice to have friends who would offer their spare room to me for a few months. My old apartment had WAY too many insects and the landlord wasn't interested in eliminating them. Among other issues there. I do miss my neighbors from that building because they were pretty awesome!!  

Me, our friend Lulu and Brooks at his birthday party in June

A week later i went to Brooks' birthday party. It was SO much fun!! It's where it all started for us. I'll have a post about that in the coming weeks. It's a good story! :)

Sunrises on the east coast are something else entirely! So beautiful!!

A day at the beach! I love this pic!!

I went to visit him in Wilmington at the end of June. It was my very first trip to the east coast beaches. It was beautiful and now i know why every summer all my friends in the Boro seem to go there in droves!!

In September i moved out of Jess and Ed's place and into Brooks' parents finished basement. Brooks asked me to move in with him in late August and we are in the process of looking for a house to rent in Greensboro. He still has his apartment in Wilmington until the end of next month, so we are waiting that out. Sherrie and Brooks II, live in the country. It's gorgeous out here and very peaceful!! If it weren't for the gas money of going into Greensboro every day, it would be perfect!

We went to Shakori a few weeks ago together. Our first official camping trip as a couple!! While we had a great time when we went to listen to music or go on walk-abouts, the trip wasn't what we had expected. I'll post something about that maybe another time. But needless to say, when we go back, A) we're paying for our weekend and not volunteering, and B) finding a new campsite.

Brooks keepin me entertained on our shift at Shakori

I love this pic!! On our Shakori shift

Seafood, Blues and Jazz Fest

His and Her's Koozies

At the Fat Pelican

 The following weekend we went to Wilmington over my short fall break and to the Seafood, Blues and Jazz fest. Brooks and i danced under the stars while Gregg Allman serenaded us. It was beautiful!! The weekend at the beach was the vacation we very much needed! 

After dinner at Elijah's

The view at dinner

So far, we've had some really fun times together! I am very much looking forward to what this next year has in store with Brooks by my side.

It's been an interesting 3 years. While it hasn't turned out how i had imagined, i wouldn't trade it. If i had to do it over, the only thing I'd change is I would have left Oregon sooner. North Carolina is my home. ❤

Fall Colors

I have the sweetest boyfriend!! Yesterday Brooks drove me up to the Blue Ridge Parkway in Virginia to see the fall colors. The other day he had told me that he knew that we had a change of seasons out in Oregon and he wanted to share the seasons here with me.

After breakfast, we got ready and hit the road. We drove about an hour and found Lovers Leap. The view was breathtaking!!

The view of Lovers Leap

Afterwards we drove about another mile down the road and found an adorable country store. We stocked up on a few essentials like apple butter, strawberry preserves and a few snack items and a couple honey crisp apples, all fresh from the farm! Oh and a mini-apple pie!! That was fantastic!! I easily could have gone nuts and loaded up on a bit of everything they had there!! In my drunken-stooper of "OMG LOOK AT THAT!" I grabbed a bag of funnel cake mix and accidentally put the pancake mix i had in hand down to look at something else i just had to have. Hmm...perhaps it was the preserves. Well so much for an amazing breakfast tomorrow. Now we'll just have to settle for store bought mix instead. ;)

My sweetie and I

It really is the little things. I've dated guys who could care less about anything that i liked, thought was beautiful, wanted to do, or places i dreamed of seeing. Brooks is definitely one in a million! He's thoughtful, kind, sweet, romantic (which let me just tell you i NEVER thought i'd find a romantic guy!! I heard they were all extinct!), and wants to make me happy. I definitely don't take any of it for granted. Been through too much crap for that. I'm a very lucky girl and i know it!!

♥

A 33 Year Old Student

So as I've said in my profile, I'm a student again. At the age of 33, I'm back and having to start totally over with it.

I was a graphic designer at one point. I lost my job after a year and a half in 09'. My senior designer, myself and out trade show manager were laid off. It was a mess! That's when I decided to pack a moving truck and move across country. From one coast to the other. Took me 7 days to cross 9 states alone. Yackin to my plants and singing to my iPod along the way. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I had no job, barely a place to live, I knew no one and had left everything I've ever known behind me. In about a weeks time i was hired at a publishing company as their new graphic designer. I worked there about a year and a half. Last July I was laid off from that company along with 7 other people.

In August of last year (11') i wound up in the ICU with DKA, a diabetic complication (a story for another time). The experience was terrible and the doctor who was in charge of me while i was there was to be blunt...a total bitch! But the diabetes educator was fabulous!! After a conversation with my sister, i realized i'd always wanted to be a diabetes educator! More for children and their families than for adults. When i was diagnosed at 11, there was a lot that they didn't tell me due to my age, but things i should have been told! Like if i didn't take care of my blood sugars very well i could end up blind, or lose a limb. Harsh truth, but the truth.

I had already decided i wanted to go back to school, but at the time i wasn't sure of my major. But again, after that conversation, i knew what i wanted to do. I looked into the requirements. I'd have to get a bachelors in Nutrition first. And pass the boards.

I applied to UNCG in October and waited for their decision. I wasn't what they would call a 'typical' student. I was an older student compared to their regular applicants, I didn't have mommy and daddy paying my way, and they put me through the ringer! I had a lot of forms to fill out, an interview with one of their admissions counselors, more forms, and more discussions on what my plan was. They finally decided to let me in. I was ecstatic!!!  I cried! I was terrified that they wouldn't let me in and things would continue to go downhill and ultimately would wind up going home. Another conversation with my sister who got me to agree to come home in May if i didn't get into school (something she didn't think would happen), and if things weren't working out on the job front.

My first semester back was interesting. I'd never gone to an actual University before. I had gone to a community college back home and things were very different this time. Some of my classes had over 200 people in them and professors rarely knew your name. Some of my classmates got on my very last nerve! Stupid questions because they didn't pay attention. Texty-McTextersons, always on their phones. And bitching about how their parents wouldn't let them drive the Mercedes. Really? Oh please!

I made the decision to attend summer session so that i could afford to go home. However, that didn't work out and i wasted a much needed break. The classes were daily 4 days a week, and the history of North Carolina class was a MAJOR challenge!! An undergrad class with an instructor who taught it like it was a graduate class. Class-wise, we were all very annoyed. I emailed the history department head at one point and told him how it was. He was less than pleased and told her to cut out her shit which didn't go over well for her and she made it known that she was pissed. She actually called out a classmate and blamed him for emailing the department head!!

At the end of the summer session, i had a mere 3 weeks off until Fall semester started. Knowing fall would be hell on earth, i really needed a break! A bigger break than 21 days. That didn't happen. And i wasn't ready for fall. My fall consisted of Algebra (which i wound up dropping. The instructor was a German woman who i could barely understand and instead of showing us how she got the answer, she would just give us the answer), Chemistry lecture and a lab, Statistics and a Nutrition class. Chemistry is where I'm really struggling. I'm terrified that I'll lose my financial aid for Spring semester if i fail the class. Since i dropped algebra, I'm still locked into needing to pass 9 of the 13 credits.

Here's another great part...my unemployment will end at the end of December due to the government. Seems i'm on tier 4 which will end at the end of December for everyone unless the gov decides to extend it. I'm crossing my fingers!! SO...if i lose my financial aid, and can't attend spring semester, i will have NO income whatsoever! So to say that I'm stressed is a bit of an understatement. Though I did get a bit of better news today. I figured out on my own that even if i get a D in my chemistry class (which would mean i'd have to repeat it...i need to do that anyway due to ALL the chemistry i need in the future, so i need a good base or it'll be a major struggle all the way) I'll still pass the needed credits. So that is a bit of a small relief.

So there ya have it. My fall semester in a nutshell. A nutshell of crap on a cracker, but a nutshell nonetheless. Trying to stay positive and knowing that i have some great support from Brooks and my friends that I'll get through this and continue to seek out my big goal. Love and support is something that is priceless!!  ♥

The Guts

I've tried a few times to blog. I've had one for my adventures in running. But sadly...i lost interest after a few runs and stopped running altogether. I've had a couple others over the years as well, all soon to be tossed aside to the point i can't even remember what email they were attached to! It's not that i don't have anything interesting to post, (which from what i hear, i am quite fascinating) but it's more...does anyone really care? I mean, who are those people who have the blogs that are making TONS of money? What the hell do they write about anyway? But the other day while looking for ideas on cute hair styles for growing out my very short hair style, i came across a blog that i just love! She does crafts, she posts about her life, her house, her son and anything else that she wants to. It got me to thinking...I have a lot going on in my own life. Why not write about it? Better yet...why not blog about it? So here i am.

But the real question is...where oh where do i even start?! I mean, ok...I'm not as young as i used to be. I'm in my early 30's. Still wrinkle free for the moment! But i have some life experience behind me. But i guess I'll start in the moment and work from there. Perhaps I'll fill in some blanks as i go and y'all can catch up.

So a little background of me...I'm originally from Oregon. I moved to NC almost 3 years ago. In fact, my anniversary is in 4 days! Wow!! Where has the time gone? Oh, right...anyway...so there's that. I moved across country to a place I'd never been. Didn't have a job. I knew no one. I drove across country alone, talking to my avocado plant Pete and Lola (she has since died...RIP) along the way. Once here, i did get a job but was laid off last summer and i decided to go back to school. Which right now...is a major thorn in my side. But I'm pushing on one day at a time. I also do look at the opportunity and MASSIVE WORK that it took to get back into school, as a blessing. So please don't get me wrong. I do appreciate being back in school. It's just been very difficult with the class load that i have this semester. And the semesters to follow won't get much easier. But ya know what they say...anything worth having is worth working for. Isn't that what is said? Hmm...

The other really great thing i have in my life...the love of an amazing man!! Hence the name of my blog. Love Happens. I had just about given up and decided to just be single when i met Brooks this past spring. I had always thought that the people who say "You just 'know' when you meet the one" were full of total crap! However, i am now one of those people!! This i know. I knew at the end of our first phone conversation he was the one. I can't even put into words how happy I've been since meeting him and how my life has changed by having him in it!! It's a fantastic feeling!

So...there you have it. Really simple beautiful things that are going on in my life. A little bit of where I've come from and where i hope to go.