What's in a Song?

So I joined a blogging DIY Dare to do it Yourself a couple weeks ago. It's 4 weeks of holiday DIY. I figured if nothing else, it was a great way for me to dig a little deeper into my creativity, which worked because it's in overdrive right now!! Each week there is a theme to go off of and the idea is to craft or DIY something awesome and post a pic. Here's a link to one of the hosts to see what other people are doing...http://decorandthedog.blogspot.com/

This week's theme is to Entertain. I thought of a bunch of creative ways to DIY something for my guests, my human guests that is. But what about the guest who inspire us everyday with their beautiful words in the form of song? I'm talking about our feathered friends of course!

This idea came to me the other day. Monday actually. I had opened the door to the house to let some fresh air come in as it was a GORGEOUS day out. I made lunch for Brooks and I and went down to the basement where he was organizing to tell him lunch was ready. When i came back upstairs, there was a small bird in the house! He flew around for a few minutes, perching on things on the high shelves in the dinning room and living room (it's an open floor plan) before making his way back outside.

After lunch i went down to the basement, where we had left those doors open as well since we were working (we live in the country so it's not like we'll get the unwelcome human visitor!). I went into our room down there, and perched on his computer was the same little bird. He scared the bajeezus out of me and i jumped several feet when he startled and flew out the door again. Laughing, i thought "Ok bird! Just because the door is open doesn't mean to come in!" But then i thought about this weeks theme. And inspiration hit!!

Here it is...a feeder for my little friends outside!

I know the holidays are all about family and friends! Which is what gets me through the holiday each year. I get stressed about how commercialized everything is nowadays and i am a broke, unemployed student. And after my grandmother passed away 14 years ago just before Christmas, it's been my least favorite holiday (we were very very close). But this year i am definitely feeling the Christmas spirit again in new and wonderful ways!! I've got this creative surge that i think has been hiding for way too long.

So it got me to thinking...we go to a lot of effort to entertain our families and friends at the holidays. We go to store after store after store to find the perfect gifts, wrappings, stocking stuffers and tasty feast ingredients. We get stuck in holiday traffic, fight for parking in packed lots, stand in insane lines in the stores and have to deal with rude sales people and even worse holiday shoppers trying to grab the last scarf on the rack. And at the end of the holiday, we're tired, exhausted, and cranky as we clean up the mess of it all and are relived that it's over. Some of us worry that the sweater we bought for Aunt Betty wasn't her taste, but she was just too nice to say anything. Or that the Batman toy we got for our nephew Jake, was something he already had, but was raised well enough not to say anything. At this point, we're wondering why the hell we go to all this trouble if what we give people they either don't like, don't need or already have. But wouldn't it be nice to know that someone out there is super appreciative of the gift you gave them, wholeheartedly without a forced smile? Something they need, want and will never return without our knowledge or re-gift next year? And something they'll use everyday and be so happy doing so!! (Sorry if this is sounding like a major downer...i've seen too many holiday movies and commercials...and been through this too many times!!) But that was the idea with this feeder. Birds don't care what color it is, where it came from (Goodwill actually!) or how much it cost (About a dollar!!). But it's something that will always fit them!! And even better...it's an entertaining piece! Because they come to dinner too!!

I found my cup and saucer at Goodwill. Each piece was 49 cents! And i already had E-6000 to adhere it together for stability!! I fill the cup part with water, and the saucer part with seeds or bits of bread. Mine are filled with sesame seed crackers and broken bits of rye crackers. And ya know what? It's perfect!!

I have a bit of a love for birds. I wrote about my view of my own life like that of a caged and now freed bird, a couple weeks ago on my blog. So i won't repeat myself. But i love that i can do something for them. They've given me a lot just by opening my eyes and ears to them. And now I've found a way to slightly repay them for the strength they've given to me.♥

Be Thankful

Thanksgiving is upon us. It's my most favorite of the holidays!! My sweet boy was born on thanksgiving morning 14 years ago! It feels like yesterday. I can't believe he'll be 14 this year! Where does the time go for crying out loud?!

Every year i do the 30 days of thankfulness on Facebook. Each day i write on my post what i'm thankful for. And every year it kills me to wait until the 26th of November to say how terribly thankful i am for Chandler. But i wait on purpose. I am of course so very thankful for that boy 365 days a year, but i wait until his birthday to yammer on and on about how amazing he is, how much he's changed my life, and of course, how much i love him.

I also like to look back on the last year at thanksgiving. For example, last year i had no money. None. I was unemployed and the feds decided to yank my unemployment for a few months because they overpaid me in 09'. So, right before thanksgiving, i was broker than broke, trying to figure out how to keep my tiny apartment with no money. I was selling off all of my books and DVD's to put food on my table and literally trying to just survive the day to day. I was terrified. So needless to say...this year i have a LOT to be thankful for!!

In the last year I've returned to school, gone to see some amazing bands, met and gotten to know a lot of really wonderful people, and met the man of my dreams! I've also started this blog as a creative outlet that has led me to other creative outlets like my Etsy shop (here i am...http://www.etsy.com/shop/LadybugBlvd), a Facebook page for my shop and countless hours crafting and coming up with new items each day!

In my blogging about my life and searching out pics of cute pixie cut grow-outs, i found this lovely lady. In reading about her son and new home, she offered a fun thanksgiving project along with 3 other awesome bloggers. Dare to DIY! So i joined!! I figured, why not! Sounds like fun and it's been an added bonus to my creativity that's been on overdrive lately! (See all the cool projects here...http://www.maybematilda.com/2012/11/dare-to-diy-be-thankful.html )

I decided to make a magnet set that is also a picture/artwork holder. Made from mini-clothespins, it's perfect for small pictures, small artwork or notes of what members of the house are thankful for. Of course i have a picture of Chandler on here (along with pics of my adorable nephew and niece and my favorite photo of Brooks with his dad and grandpa!)!

So, all this rambling to say...i have a lot to be thankful for this year. I have an amazing child who i love, adore, and miss terribly. I have a lot of new amazing friends. I'm still in school. I've got the greatest man in my life i could ever ask for (who is SUPER supportive of all of my ridiculous crafting, blogging and other artsy stuff)!! And of course, a wonderful adopted family.

Though my life is far from perfect, going through some of the things I've been through, makes me thankful for the simple things, and revel in them. There are so many people in the world that have nothing and have to fight day to day just to survive. Life is short. Enjoy the simple moments of the day. Enjoy the people you're around. Find something good in each day, even when you're having a bad one. A different outlook on life can be a big thing. And it can really change how you view the world. Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world". So go. Be the change. Start with today and be thankful!!

Learning to Fly

I've said for the last 5 years that my life has been a bit like a bird in a cage.

When i was younger, i went through a lot of abusive and controlling relationships. All of the relationships i had for over 10 years were negative, controlling, emotionally abusive, belittling and tumultuous.

My boyfriend in high school had convinced me to run away from home. I went with him to Vancouver WA, and we were staying at his mom's house. His mom had told me one day when he was gone, that when i wanted to go home, she had a plan and would help me leave. She knew exactly what he was like and how controlling and abusive he could be. Though I didn't realize that at the time. But that's a big red flag when it comes from the mother.

One night she was working late and he and i had gotten into a water fight. Innocent enough. But then things turned. He got angry and chased me down the hall and grabbed me by the hair (it was long at the time). He dragged me into the bathroom and turned the water on in the bathtub. He forced my head under the water and i couldn't breath. It only lasted a few seconds, as his mom thankfully came home and asked what the hell was going on. I decided i was done. I left a week later.

When i was married, my husband was very controlling. He wouldn't let me talk to my family much, and refused to let me spend the holidays with them on more than one occasion. I wasn't allowed to see my friends because of his jealousy and insecurities. He was more than a little emotionally abusive! He had me convinced that if i ever left him I'd be on the street and he would never let me see Chandler again. I stayed longer than i wanted due to that. It was a long 4 dark years in my life. And entailed much more than i am discussing here.

After that i met someone else. He was an adult and the fighting that i was used to didn't exist. While he taught me a lot about how to have an adult relationship, there were a number of things that didn't work and weren't fair. At the end of our 6 year relationship he said that he was controlling but in a different way. He would nit-pick me until i did what he wanted. He would complain on what i wanted to wear out of the house until i changed clothes. He would pick about everything i did. From how i dealt with my son, how i did laundry and cooked, to how messy my desk in the office space was. He told me that his hope was that if he bitched enough, i'd go fix whatever it was, or i wouldn't do it anymore. In my own stubbornness, I would never give in very easily. It just wasn't the way i worked. If he didn't love me for who i was then and there, what was the point in being together? I left after 6 years together.

After that i moved into my own apartment. After a couple years i decided to move to North Carolina. I didn't know a soul, had no job, but felt a pull and had to find a way to go. And i did. I left Oregon and all the crap and bullshit memories behind to build a new life, somewhere i wanted to be.

I've said that for a long time i was like a bird in a small cage. I couldn't flap my wings. I didn't know how to fly. When i left my ex-husband, i just moved into a bigger cage. I could flap my wings, but still couldn't fly. When i left the man after him, i finally broke free from the cage, but still couldn't fly. But i could flap my wings! There was a silver lining!!

When i packed the 16' moving truck with all my things, and headed south on I-5 that day in October, i cried. I cried like a baby! For several miles. I couldn't believe i was actually leaving!! Finally! It was one of the best feelings in the world! I was doing this and i was doing it on my own!!

When i crossed the Tennessee border into North Carolina i cried again! I couldn't believe i was here!! It took me 7 days to cross 9 states by myself. I saw some really amazing things, some beautiful places and met some really cool people.

I was told by a few people before i left that i shouldn't go. I was crazy to go alone and not have help or a man to help me drive and protect me. I scoffed at that. I would reply with "If it's my time, it's my time. I didn't need help to do this and more importantly, it was something i needed to do on my own". To say i didn't have a lot of support in going, is a bit of an understatement. My mom however, was surprisingly very supportive. She kept telling me how proud of me she was for doing what i felt i needed to do. That meant a lot!!

When i look back on that time in my life, and those 10 years, i often wonder if that all wasn't just a bad dream. It just feels like it didn't happen when i look at how far I've come. I look back at that timid scared little bird and wonder how the hell she ever found her confidence to fly across country and sing. Breaking out of that cage was the best thing i've ever done. 

So, that is the story of this bird you see. It's fitting that it's a Cardinal. It's North Carolina's state bird and my most favorite bird! And a broken cage will be added soon to finish it. It represents all that i went through to get here, and the personal strength and courage (the tat is also next to the Strength/Courage tattoo) it took. When i look at it, it's a vivid reminder of who i was and who I've come to be. And when i get down on myself for not doing certain things, or feeling like i "can't", i remind myself of how far I've come and how i taught myself to fly. ♥

Auto Name Generator Fail

When i got this blog going, i wanted to put in a specific name and address so it was easy for me to remember, but still meant something. I had to fool with a few things because my ideas were "already taken". I went with one they offered and didn't look too much at the spelling. Until the other day. I realized that my blog address is spelled...lovehappenes. (Hence...ES for those not seeing it. Kinda slips past a person i think) But seriously!! Really?! I'm so annoyed. I realize this is a SUPER TINY issue, but still. Yea, sure...take me seriously please. I can't spell. Ugh. Anyway...i really just wanted to clear that up to anyone who is new and reading this asking themselves, "Really lady? Wow. Ya can't spell!!" It's not totally my fault.

Following My Passion

Sitting in my chemistry lab Monday, i watched the video about the lab we were about to do. I had no idea what it was, even though we watched info on it. I sat there looking around the room. All my classmates seemed to know what the video was talking about. I didn't. I thought about my chemistry lecture class. I'm failing that class. I failed the last exam and got a D on the first one. It wasn't pretty. I knew i was going to have to appeal for financial aid for spring. It seemed pointless to try to muddle through a class i knew i wasn't going to pass. Another class that i would ultimatley fail.

Failure.

We were dismissed from pre-lab and everyone headed to the lab to get set up. I headed further down the hall. I went into the women's room and tried to pull myself together in a stall. I started to cry. I started to hyperventilate. I left. I left the building and had an inner dialog with myself..."What the hell are you doing?" "I'm leaving. I can't do this shit! I don't get it!" "Well the math is definitely holding you back...but seriously? Are you sure you want to do this? What are you gonna do now?" "I don't know! I don't know. I can't be here though. I look like a fucking idiot!"

I headed to my friend Ginny's house. She opened the door and welcomed me with a hug. I burst into tears. When she asked what was going on, it was nice that she actually cared. We talked about it for a while. She kept saying that it was stupid that i had to take so much chemistry when i wasn't going into researching. She agreed with me about the math. According to UNCG, they said i'd already taken college algebra. Which i hadn't. I had started taking it back in school the first time, but dropped the class when i found out i didn't need it for the degree i was seeking. So, if UNCG had realized that correctly, i wouldn't have gotten into stats or chemistry since it's a prereq for both classes! Partly my own fault, and part theirs. Either way, i wasn't doing well in school this semester.

I knew fall semester would be difficult. I never imagined it would have been THIS difficult! I missed a week of classes due to illness in September, that were all very important for further lessons in all my classes. They were all core information classes. And i was now lacking all of that.

Ginny's husband Paul, and a very dear friend came home from work. He took one look at my tear stained face and knew i'd had a bad day. He offered me a beer. We continued discussing the issues i was having. When i left, i felt a little better. Their love and support was very much appreciated and needed. I consider them family. Like adopted parents. They treat me like a daughter. And having them on my side, has been wonderful!

On the drive home there were more tears. I didn't know how i was going to tell Brooks that i was quitting. I had failed. Who wants to date a failure and a quitter? (And a girl with bad grow-out hair!!) And what the hell was i going to do now?! The hour drive seemed to take forever and by the time i got home, i wished the drive had been another hour.

Brooks knew i didn't have a good day. I wasn't supposed to be home until 8:30 and it was only a little after 5. He gave me a big hug and asked what happened. I cried and told him. And i told him what my fear was...him dating a failure. A person who was giving up because classes were too hard. I said to him through tears, "Why would you want to date someone who's a failure and a quitter? And with bad hair!" He chuckled at that, but shushed me and said that the math was a big part of that, and that wasn't all my fault. He had been watching me struggle all semester and saw how the stress was eating me alive. I'd never been this stressed out with school before. Nor had i ever failed a class, let alone three!!

Later in the evening as we sat on the couch watching TV it hit me. My big problem with the whole thing. Chandler. I didn't want to fail my son. I had wanted him to be proud of his mom. I wanted him to look at me one day and say, "Look at how hard my mom worked for her education! She paid for school twice on her own! Alone! And look at how far she's come!!" I wanted to have a career that he could be proud of! He was so excited when i told him that i was going to study to be a diabetes educator. How would he feel when i said, "Oh well...yea. That didn't work so i'm gonna get a bachelors in art".

I posted something about considering changing my major on facebook. An old friend from back home, a mother herself commented on it and asked what i was thinking about doing. I told her what my big problem was. She commented back and said, "Girl...if you keep going and just change your degree there is NO "failing!" You have started...you have a desire to finish and that's all you need. The key is going to be finding something that catches your interest so much that it doesn't matter how difficult it is....because what's keeps our attention comes easier. When I first went back to school I went for Education with a specialization in Special Ed....after the first term I hated it!! I knew I loved kiddos with disabilities and so I just jumped on board an went with it....I have gotten an A in every class that has to do with this...not because I'm uber smart....but simply because it's my passion!! You'll find it....he's not going to think any less of you with a different degree....it's the ending point that matters!" 

It was the best thing anyone could have said to me! And it really hit home. She was a mom of 3 boys, so i really respect her opinion with this. She knew what i was going through, and had a great outlook on it. And for her, i am thankful!! 

The next day i went to talk to financial aid. Online it said i had to talk to them first, before changing my major. They said i would have to talk to my current advisor to discuss it. I would also have to appeal financial aid for spring since i would fail so many classes and not pass the required credits to keep it. With a medical issue, that was documented, they don't see a problem with it. Especially since i'll have a letter of my own, a letter from my doctor, a success plan written up, including what my new plan for graduation is, and using a lot of the credits i already have towards my fine arts degree. I felt better.

Driving home yesterday, i got to thinking...what am i going to do with a fine arts degree though? I talked to Brooks' mom Sherrie for a while last night while i made dinner. She asked me if i'd ever thought about teaching? I had, a long time ago when i wanted to be a high school English teacher. But i'd never thought about teaching art to anyone or even at a university level. I told her that i think i was so focused on making money, and making a good living, that i wasn't as focused on my passion and what i really wanted to do with my life. She said that she knew first hand what that was like. She didn't follow her passion when she was younger and fell into a job that made her a good living. And stayed there. I knew a lot of people like that. I told her the big part was that i've struggled my entire adult life, and really wanted to make a good income, get a job that payed well and would last in economic downturns. But my artistic brain just didn't work like that. I told her about a business back home that caters art around kids and families and it would be great to open something up like that here. Although when it comes to art, i have a lot of ideas for small businesses.

Sherrie told me that i needed to follow what i love. Get my BFA and enjoy going to classes every day. There was a lot i could do with a BFA, but first i needed to get it. Chandler would be proud of me no matter what...because i followed my heart. 

At the end of the day, if i'm covered in clay, paint, glaze, and charcoal...if that's what makes me happy, and i can go to my job everyday and enjoy what i do...that's all that should matter!!

The Hair Situtation...

So a few weeks ago i decided that i was going to grown my hair back out. I've had a short style for over 5 years, and I'm ready for a change. Oh but the agony of the great grow out. WHY does it seem to take FOREVER to even grow 1/8 of an inch?! I'm not very patient and get bored easily when it comes to my hair. It's shocking I've had a short style for so long now that i think about it.

It doesn't help that i have VERY thin fine hair. Like baby fine hair (Thanks mom!). It sucks ladies!! If you have thick or even reasonably thick hair, be happy. Don't ever wish for fine hair. My other issue...i know me. When i grow it out to pony tail (even a short one!) length, it's always up or pulled back. Why do i feel the need to grow it out, just to pull it back? Well because women do that. And like i said, i'm ready for a change.

The growing out of a very short haircut is such a pain in the ass! I know this. I've had short hair off and on since i was 13, so I've done the grow out thing a few times. I wasn't allowed to cut my hair until i was 13 and at one point before finally getting it cut, i could sit on my hair (enter the Crystal Gayle jokes here...). I was teased about my long hair when i was a kid. A bully-girl at school grabbed a hold of my braid once and proceeded to have a boy hold it, wrapped around his hand as she hit me behind the wall of the playground when i was in 4th grade. So to say i have negative memories with my hair, is a fair assessment.

I've thought about getting extensions to make the process easier, but again, with thin hair...ya can't do that without them being visible. And that's just not attractive. Nor is it in the budget, as the upkeep for them i hear is considerable.

I must say, my hair does grow a bit faster living in the south! I assume it's the humidity. Which I'm ok with! I'll take any help i can get. But the problem i always run into...is keeping it cute while it's growing out. Anyone who's had a very short pixie-type style knows what I'm talking about. There's the mullet-thing too! Oh dear lord, the mullet!!! Ugh!! I feel like I've got one already! It's usually when i know i need a haircut...when the back of my hair starts to brush my collar on my jackets; it's time. I actually combed the back of my hair straight this morning while it was still wet just to see how far down my neck it was. It was much too long for my liking. Brooks insisted i didn't have a mullet because it's not really long down my neck, but come on now...it's still a mullet. And it's hideous!! Needs some controlling! I'll be happy to see my stylist, Adam, next week!!

I've been scouring the web to find cute grow-out styles that i can show to Adam and say "This is what I'm working towards". But have you ever noticed, the stars don't typically have very many pics taken when their hair is in the grow-out stage? Damn stars! They've got the money to hire people who can take care of their hair on a daily basis and keep them from having too many hideous hair days. And then of course, i see all the cute short styles and think, "Why am i growing it out? This is adorable!" But the reality is, I'm tired of it. It's pretty much the same everyday. And while it's quick to deal with in the morning (i can literally get in the shower, and walk out of the house totally ready in less than 30 minutes. My hair takes about 5 minutes once I'm out of the shower), and once it's on its way to growing out, it'll add to my morning time, I'm looking forward to having options for what to do with my hair again.

Hair is a funny subject when you talk to people about it. Men typically aren't fans of short styles. I get it i guess. Long hair has always been seen as feminine, and I've had people assume i was a lesbian because i had a short style. (You know what they say about assuming people! Geez) And I've had a few ex's who wanted me to grow my hair out for them. I showed them the door. Sorry, my hair is MINE. If ya can't deal with that, see ya!! My ex-husband wouldn't allow me (yes, i said allow) to cut my hair. Period. Brooks likes what I'm happy with. When i did a faux-hawk this summer, i asked him if he was embarrassed to be seen with me, with my hair sticking straight up. He laughed and said he liked it, and it was my hair so i should do what i want. Man i love him!! Anyway, so when i told him i was gonna grow it out, while he didn't stand in the way, he said it was totally up to me, and he would love me even if i was bald.

A woman's hair style says a lot about her. Shows how confident she is, shows her creativity, what she's comfortable with, and I've heard...character. I personally think that last part is total crap. But i agree with the first part. I've always said, "It's just hair! It'll grow back if ya don't like it". And i think I've proved that. I'm always the girl who will try to talk a friend into chopping it all off if they're questioning the scissors.

When you go from long hair to a very short style, you feel like a different person! I can't explain it if you haven't experienced it, but it can be very empowering! And i always recommend doing something new and exciting in life. Even if it's just cutting your hair! For me...this time, it's growing it out. And it starts...now.