The Missing Piece

I swear, I'm so excited to post this one, i almost wrote it at midnight last night!! So those of you who know me well, know i didn't grow up with my dad in my life. He wasn't part of it in anyway shape or form. Many of my friends don't know that, but now ya do. I always wanted to know who he was and more importantly, where i came from. I had missing pieces in my life because he wasn't in my life, and i didn't know anything about that side of my family. Answering a medical questionnaire has always been difficult because i didn't have any of that information.

My mom had always kept him secret. She refused to tell me about him or who he was. Then one Christmas a few years ago, i had flown home for the holidays and she shocked the hell out of me. She gave me a box with his picture in it and his last known whereabouts. He lived in Bend Oregon, my home town and his name was Mark. I had enough to go on to do a little research online and i found him with Facebook's help. I looked up his number and decided to call him.

That conversation did not go well. It ended in tears. He denied my very existence and told me, "I don't know what your mom was smokin, but you're not mine. That's impossible!" A man who worked for Research & Development in his company...claiming a relationship with a woman for over a year couldn't produce a child? He wasn't as smart as i thought he was. I got off the phone and sat with my sister and my mom, crying. My mom said that's why she had hid him for so long. She didn't want to see me upset. But i insisted that i was fine. That was his choice and i had finally tried to know him and that was his choice not to. I didn't call him again.

Four years have gone by and over those years i did think about him. I thought about my brothers and my aunt. I knew they were out there, but after that phone call i decided not to pursue any of them in case they were just like him. Even though I'd managed to put them out of mind for 4 year (or so i thought), they'd peek back every now and then. And each time they did I'd go do something to distract myself. I'd paint, listen to some music, clean house, read a book or magazine...anything so i wouldn't think about them. But one night a few weeks ago they came creeping back into my head. I hadn't thought of any of them in almost a year, so it was strange that all of a sudden here were the thoughts of those people i didn't know. I'd woken up in the middle of the night. I got up, splashed some cold water on my face and went back to bed. I figured it was too hot in our bedroom (which it usually is) and i'd be back to sleep in no time. It took 2 hours to get back to dream land. I kept thinking about the aunt who didn't know about me, my brother, my dad...even though he's the last person i want to hear from at this point. I decided i needed to write a letter. My last ditch effort to see if anyone was out there who actually wanted to get to know me. My mom had actually suggested i write a letter to my aunt 4 years prior, but after that phone call i just couldn't do it. I didn't want to. But it was time.

The next day i spent a couple of hours writing the letter to my aunt. It was 6 pages, single spaced (i had to write it on the computer because my hands cramp up too much and my writing is almost illegible) and there were 5 pages of pics as well. This letter was nearly 36 years in the making, so writing a quick, "Hey...I'm your niece. Call me" just wasn't going to cut it. I figured with all the scams out in the world right now, the more detailed the better. I told her everything i knew. Told her about the conversation with Mark 4 years prior. I told her about me personally. Who i was, what I've done. Everything i could think of that may matter.

But i had one problem. I didn't have her name or address. I knew there was an aunt...just didn't know what her name was. It took me a couple weeks to manage to find her address. I had a friend helping me in finding the rest of my family, but we hadn't had much luck at that point. It wasn't until i was emailing my sister about it and couldn't remember the details about my grandma on dad's side that i managed to find my aunt. I had googled my grandma again and this time, after a good 10 other searches, her full obituary popped up. There it was in black and white...."Irene Thompkins survived by her husband, and two children; son Mark, and daughter Linda". She was a hard woman to find for sure, but i decided not to take that as some sign not to send the letter. Before i could rethink it and back out, i opened the letter again, added a few things and printed it. I signed it and stuffed it in the envelope, slapped a Janis Joplin stamp on the corner, and ran down to the mailbox to send it. As soon as it was in that locked box, the second thoughts crept in. But it was too late. It'd been sent.

It's been two weeks since sending that letter. I was beginning to assume that like i said in my letter, that she didn't want anything to do with me and that no reply was her reply. I promised in the letter that i wouldn't contact her again, that the ball was totally in her court after that. I needed to get over this and let it go. At least it was some sort of closure.

Last night as i was cleaning up from dinner, my phone rang. I didn't hear it, but Brooks brought it to me in the kitchen and he said, "Hey babe...it's a Bend number". I looked at it, hands in suds and recognized the number immediately. I looked at Brooks and said, "Oh my gawd!! It's my aunt! I think it's my aunt!!" I dried my hands and we went out to our sun porch. There was a message. I clicked on the 'speaker' and we listened. She was crying, and said that she had gotten my letter and she was so happy to finally hear from me. I couldn't believe it!! She was HAPPY!! And crying over me!! I had prepared myself for the worst. I prepared myself for a "Don't ever contact me again!" type of call. But i hadn't thought it would turn out good!! So i didn't prepare for that. I looked at Brooks and he said, "Well...what do you want to do love? Are you going to call her back?" I had tears in my eyes. I said, "Well i know i can't sleep until i do! I have to call her!! Omg! I"m going to talk to my aunt!! Oh!! I need a glass of wine!! " We went inside and i poured a glass of wine. I was shaking. I couldn't believe it!! Brooks hugged me. I started crying and said, "I've always wondered if this would happen!! You know? I watched all those TV shows where a character finds their long lost dad or aunt or uncle and always wondered...why can't that be me?? And now it is! It's me!! This is happening!!" I went back to the sun porch. Took a deep breath. Brook said that he'd be right on the other side of the door, and if i needed him, to tap on the glass. In case something happens where it's not going well and i need to get off the phone. He kissed me and closed the door behind him. I clicked on her number. Her phone rang...

She answered and sounded so nice. I told her who i was...and she started shrieking through tears!! She told me she was beyond happy to hear from me finally!! She'd wanted to know who i was all my life! She told me that there had been rumors in our small town that Mark had fathered a child, and she knew my mom's first name, but that was it. A friend of theirs had told her about me when i was about 2 years old. She had always wanted to find me and she had carried around a lot of resentment towards my dad for not telling her about me, not being part of my life and for not taking care of me. She said that he was a difficult person and thought he lived in denial about me. She told me that when her son had a child at 18, he got very upset over it. Apparently it was too close to home for him. Then she said to me, "Oh honey, believe me when i say...it's his loss!!" My aunt said that!! About her own brother!! I've had a lot of friends say that, but it wasn't the same. Always appreciated, but it wasn't the same. So for her to say it, meant the world. As for the two weeks since i sent the letter, she said she has moved so it took it a while to get forwarded. She got it yesterday!

We talked for about 45 minutes. About a lot of things. Mostly about family. She does genealogy and apparently i am related to Henry VIII!! Lol!! She said that she'd fill me in on everyone and who they were and where I've come from. She told me about my family medical history on that side...which isn't the best, but at least i can fill out forms correctly now. She told me she was going to make me a family scrapbook and that i may get sick of hearing from her as this wouldn't be the only phone call. I told her that I'd been looking for her my entire life and now that i had her, an aunt of my very own, i wasn't ever going to get sick of hearing from her!! My mom was an only child so my "aunt and uncle" were actually my grandma's brother and sister-in-law. Who i adored, but sadly they've been gone for a while now.

We also figured out that we are VERY similar!! We're both very crafty (so i finally figured out where my talent comes from!! My grandmother on dad's side was an artist/crafter as well!!), we're procrastinators, we both think of strangers as friends we haven't met yet, we scrapbook, we love nature and animals, and we both ramble when we talk. I COME BY IT NATURALLY FOLKS!!! 

To say I'm excited and happy, is an understatement!! I'm not sure i can even put it into words what it's been like not knowing the other side of my family. 35+ years. 35 years of NOT knowing where i come from. Not knowing the other side. I know plenty of people who don't know the other side of their family and are fine with it. But I've never been fine with that. There have been many tears shed over the years for them.

Once in high school i knew this guy in my math class. He was teasing me about my hair line. He asked me if my dad was bald. I said i didn't know. He asked how i didn't know. He didn't understand. I burst into tears and said i didn't know my dad. He was blown away. He felt terrible for teasing me and from that point on we were good friends and he looked out for me like a little sister. That's just one story.

Now I'm not saying that my mom's side wasn't great. And I'm not saying that my sisters weren't awesome either. NO!! I'm not saying that!! I'm thankful every single day that i was blessed with two wonderful sisters, my zany mom, and my beautiful grandma. But for me, I've always had this nagging feeling that there were missing pieces. And those missing pieces i wanted to know. If nothing else, I'm stubborn to a fault. And in this respect, my stubbornness is a good thing. I was too damned stubborn to not look for her.  To let it go and be "ok" with not knowing i tried. If nothing else, my life is wrapped around, "I tried". Even if it doesn't go the way i want. At least i tried.

This morning i woke up wondering if i had dreamt it all. Nope. I didn't dream it. It happened. I talked to my aunt, and she's really sweet, and is happy to have found me after all these years. I found a missing piece!! This is the start of something wonderful for sure, and i couldn't be happier about it!!