Ring...a ding, ding!!

We were out with some friends a few weeks ago, having a few drinks and we got to chatting later, after everyone else had gone, with my adoptive father Paul. Brooks and i had already had several conversations about who would give me away when we get married. It's in the works...and i'll get to the specifics in a minute. But i had always suggested that I ask Paul to do the honors. For one, i never knew my real dad. Another blog for another day on that POS, but anyway...after i'd been in the Boro about a year or so, when i met Paul. He's literally like the father i never had. And he was a BIG reason i even met Brooks in the first place, so it's more than fitting. Anyway, we were outside smoking and finishing our beverages when it came up. Brooks told him, "oh yes! We'd like you to do that honor!" Paul seemed dumbfounded for a moment, looked at me, (kind of like..."What the hell is he talkin' about?) and i said, "We've been talking about it, and though we aren't "officially" engaged, i can't imagine anyone else giving me away but you". We never got the answer, beyond teary eyes, but I'll take that as a yes. ;)

The other day we were watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix (it's my new thing!!) and i had decorated (with the exception of the tree) the apartment in Christmas decor. Last year i started making coasters for us. I made several with Christmas stuffs on them. Brooks started to talk about how great they were. Even with 2 beers in me, it was enough to move me to tears. Yes, i cried over the stupid coasters. It wasn't so much them, as it was HIM!!! I've been through some crap in my life, and some not-so-great relationships and definitely NOT such relationships that the other person was SO freakin supportive of MY art!! He went on and on about how much he loved those coasters that i made last Christmas. I welled up. I told him that i know i bitch about the dishes that I ALWAYS have to do, and how he won't even put his dirty laundry in the basket, but i love him so much, that there are times it's almost debilitating!! He is my world!!

I always had a vision of who i wanted to spend my life with. Someone who cared about me, who was supportive of my dreams, goals and aspirations...no matter how farfetched or idiotic they may seem, someone who loved me for who i was...not for who i "could" be. I wanted someone who made me laugh, who appreciated the little things in life, who not only "said" he loved me, but actually SHOWED it!!! Someone who was there for me in the great, good, bad and ugly times. Who wouldn't be scared to tell me how he felt...or who went running when shit hit the fan! I had enough of all that crap! Enough to sink the fucking Titanic!!

I had made a list a long while ago, after the advise of a co-worker who said, "Put everything you want in another person in a list. Say it out loud! Put it out in the universe!!" I thought this girl had lost her damn mind, but i went home that night and made my list. And then i read it aloud. It took me 4 years, numerous bad relationships...including 2 ex-felons, 1 alcoholic and 1 coke-head to finally find the man of my dreams.

Took me long enough to find him, but Brooks is SOOOOOOO that man!!! There are times, when i watch too many dramas on TV, and i put myself in the shoes of some woman and i loose my shit. I really can't, nor do i want to, imagine my life without him!!! I have found myself a few times, sitting on the porch at 1 in the morning, long after he's gone to bed, after watching some stupid movie, sobbing because i just can't bare the thought of ever loosing him!! We've both said, we want to be one of those old couples who die hours apart, because of a broken heart. He's my rock. My shoulder. My smile. My reason for being. My umbrella. My equal. My love. My best friend. My better half! He is my everything!!

I learned a long time ago, how to survive as a single woman. I can camp and start my own fire. I can go back to school. I can pay my bills. I can cook. I can fix my own toilet by my damn self, thank you very much!! I can buy and sell a vehicle. I can move across town or across country alone. I can stand on my own and very capable two feet and do not 'need' a man to do shit for me!! I'm not a dependent person! But the idea of not having this amazing person in my life...well it makes me want to vomit and crawl into the corner of our living room. I'm not sure what the hell i would do without him!! I want to live my life with him. Stand beside him and support him. I want to marry him and have children with him. I want to build a long and happy life together, and walk down this long road together. Hand in hand.

We bought the first of the wedding rings tonight. We are not "officially engaged" yet. But it's coming. I knew it after the first phone call we had. But that's for another blog post....anyway...Brooks came across some guys wedding bands online. They were having a freakin DEAL and a HALF!!! He showed the list of them to me, along with his fav, and i said, "Buy it!!" He looked at me funny at first, and then asked how to find his ring size without one of those jewelers tools. We figured it out and he bought it!!

All this time, i've been looking for unique rings for men. I found one that had dinosaur bone in it!! HOW FREAKIN COOL IS THAT?! Well...his ring won't have dinosaur bone in it. I told him about that before he bought the ring...i'm not sure it went over too well. I think he was weirded out. Or terrified of how much THAT would cost (it actually wasn't too far out there). Haha! 

When i think about walking down the isle to him, i cry. When i think of what vows i will say to him (if we do our own) i cry. When i think of Paul walking me down the isle, i cry. When i imagine that day, i cry (Jeez!! One would think i'm PMSing or something!!). But they are ALL the happiest of tears!! I'm very excited and elated about it all!!!

We've talked about marriage in some detail. He has said, and remains VERY stubborn about it, that he doesn't want to ask me to marry him until he has the ring of my dreams in his hand. And he also says, quite a lot actually, that if he had been in a position of not being unemployed at the time, he would have asked me within the first few months of us dating. I've said a few times, we could do the engagement thing without rings. But he is sooooo persistent on buying me a ring that i will "LOVE" and that i "deserve", it's hard to argue. And believe it or not, I've tried!! I even said, that if his grandmother would be willing to let go of the ring his grandfather gave her (which, i don't think would happen...he was the absolute love of her life and i can't blame her there!!!), i would be honored to wear it!!  But he has a plan and like me, is very stubborn about things once they are in his head of how they "should" be. Lol!! We are such peas in a pod!!

There is a quote that i just love, i think it's by far my most favorite. It says, "Love is just a word until you find someone who gives it a definition".  It's very true. Brooks is my definition!